


Snowfall

by devnicole



Series: Snowfall [1]
Category: Black Panther (2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 08:08:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21133457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devnicole/pseuds/devnicole
Summary: As chieftess and chief of Jabariland, Zarah and M'Baku thought they were prepared for any and all storms that could hit their people. However, when Zarah is kidnapped, they realize that storms can come in many forms and can't always be prepared for.





	1. Chapter 1

Lord M’Baku had seen better days during his tenure as Chief of Jabariland. Long days were a part of the territory as a leader, but today felt unnaturally long and exhausting. He wanted nothing more than to retreat to his chambers. Instead, he found himself pacing by his window overlooking Gorilla City. But he knew he couldn’t leave until he addressed the small stack of paperwork waiting on his desk. He tried, poured over the pages for all evening since he returned from dinner but he couldn’t concentrate on them. M’Baku couldn’t explain why today felt different than the other hundreds of quiet days he spent in his office in the Great Lodge, except that his anxiety levels were at an all time high. He wasn’t usually anxious. He worried about the future of his tribe and Wakanda like any good leader but the Jabari always prevailed, leaving him confident in his decisions. But today, anxiety followed him like a ghost through what seemed to be an extremely boring and uneventful day in the Lands. As it loomed over him, he second guessed every decision he made and his wildest fears ran rampant through his head. He tried to dismiss it the best he could, that is until his guards were alerted to two problems: a potential blizzard forming in the west and a fire in a shopping area in a village on the outskirts of Gorilla City. 

Neither were anything new for the Jabari. Snow storms were par for the course of living in the mountains. Residents knew how to prepare and hunker down when needed. Since everyone burned fires all winter for warmth, the occasional fire broke out as well if someone was careless. However, once he heard of the fire’s location and the potential number of victims, M’Baku rounded up his Kingsguard and headed to the village to help. The fire, localized in a popular pub, was extinguished quickly thanks to brave patrons and the warriors patrolling the city. It was a miracle there were no deaths, just some injuries and lost property. M’Baku and the guard ensured all injured Jabari were sent to the Ukuphiliswa* Center, moving quickly to settle the incident before the storm hit and the roads became impassable for the night. Once everyone was taken care of, M’Baku headed home, figuring he could finally relax and put his anxieties to rest. 

_ Maybe I have a third eye or something _ , he wondered jokingly to himself as he settled in for the journey back to the Lodge. 

The Chief grunted impatiently as he glanced out of the carriage window for the 100th time, hoping to see the palace gates in the distance. But every turn on the winding road up the mountain concealed yet another turn and not the statues of Hanuman that promised him warmth and rest. He let the dark grey window curtains fall and hid the passing forest. He slumped into his seat and let out a deep sigh of frustration that this fire had to happen in the village farthest away from the Lodge.

_ And right before a snow storm, _ he whined internally. He hated that all the bad things seemed to happen right before a storm was barreling toward tribe. He could see the dark clouds headed their way, it would be at the western border mountains within half an hour, possibly sooner depending on how fast the clouds moved. 

The Jabari’s giant-sized chief resembled a toddler as he rubbed his eyes, the exhaustion from the day seeping into his body. After an emotionally-taxing day, the only thing on the chief’s mind was getting home to Zarah. His best friend. His chieftess. She was his solace, his beacon of light that guided him through the fog of leadership. M’Baku was fiercely devoted to his people, proudly taking the mantle of Chief after his father’s death. However, his reign became significantly easier since Zarah took her place beside him as chieftess. She was compassionate, intelligent, fiercely devoted to the tribe and beautiful… all the things he wanted in a life companion and needed in a chieftess. He knew he wouldn’t be half the chief or man he was without her and the people knew it too. Their love and loyalty for Lady Zarah ran deep, deeper than their love for M’Baku (though no one would ever say that to him). Thoughts of snuggling with her in front of the fire were the only thing that carried him the rest of the trip home. 

M’Baku silently thanked Hanuman when the carriage passed through the gates.  _ I wonder if I can convince Za to give me a massage, _ he thought, feeling the tension and ache in his shoulders as he sat up straight.  _ Well, she won’t need much convincing, _ he reminded himself, a small smirk on his face. Past experience taught him that massages quickly turned into something more. Usually with Zarah on her back with her thighs wrapped around his head as he feasted off her nectar. That is what the chief had to look forward to as the carriage rounded the final corner to stop before the Lodge steps: a massage and the melody of his wife’s moans and screams as he pulled an orgasm or several from her. Unfortunately for him, the world seemed to have other plans. 

M’Baku jumped out of the carriage before it could come to a full stop. His march up the stairs faltered slightly when he noticed someone waiting at the doors. A smile graced his tired features as he saw his best friend and brother-in-law, N’Danna. The lieutenant general of the Jabari Forces quickly ended a call from his kimoyo beads before shifting his attention to his approaching chief.

“Brother! What are you doing here so late?” 

He pulled his brother into a hug, his confusion growing when his enthusiastic greeting was not returned with the same energy. Instead, N’Danna only offered a stiff pat on the back and tight smile. 

“Evening, my Lord. There is… there is something I need to tell you.” His eerily somber tone filled M’Baku with trepidation. N’Danna’s formalities were not lost on him. He wasn’t talking to his best friend now, he was talking to his general and his tone did not foreshadow good news. 

N'Danna inhaled deeply, as if he had to summon the courage within to utter his next statement. 

“I am afraid to tell you that Lady Zarah is missing.”

There was a beat of silence before M’Baku let out a boisterous chuckle from the depths of his belly, amused by the absurdity of his brother’s statement. 

“Very funny N'Danna… She hasn’t left the Lodge all day. I just saw her a few hours ago. Before I got dragged away to deal with that damn fire. How does one set fire to Jabari wood anyway? It is practically indestructible - we will need to look into that. Well, actually… correction, Zarah will need to look into it. Hanuman knows she is the only one in this tribe that actually understands Jabari wood, the rest of us are just kidding ourselves. The guards say it was an accident but I don’t believe it,” M’Baku rambled, starting to walk inside. If M’Baku had been paying attention, he would have noticed the growing distress on his General’s face as he trailed behind him. “But anyway… did she put you up to this? I know your sister is a practical jokester but she goes too far. I will get her back for this one no doubt,” M’Baku let out another hearty chuckle while shaking his head, not even considering the notion that his wife was anywhere but safe in their shared bed. 

He continued down the hallway before he felt a tight grip on his arm pull him backward. M’Baku’s eyes bugged out of his head at N'Danna’s behavior. He wondered if the man had drunk one too many glasses of mead, that was the only explanation for such reckless behavior. 

“What the hell has gotten in-” 

“M’BAKU! Shut the hell up and listen to me. This is not a joke. While you and the guards were across the lands, someone broke in and took her. We are trying to determine how they entered and escaped undetected. No one even realized anything had happened until I came to drop off the weekly reports. I found your chambers empty, her guards knocked out.” N'Danna had to pause to take a deep breath - to steady his tone and reel in his emotions. “This is not a game, brother. This is not a joke. She is gone.”

They stood in silence for a few moments, simply staring at each other, as the news settled in the air. M’Baku backed up from N'Danna slightly, his body finding and leaning against a wall to support him. After a few minutes, M’Baku started to shake his head.  _ She couldn’t be gone. She just couldn’t.  _

“No… no she… she can’t be gone. No,” M’Baku muttered quickly to himself, refusing to believe it. Of course, in his heart, he knew her own brother would have no reason to lie about such things. The tears in his eyes and undeniable emotion in his voice should have been enough to convince M’Baku because N'Danna was the least emotional person he ever met. Still, his mind was committed to believing she was still home and merely a short walk through the Lodge from him, not lost and in danger. His mind held tight to this delusion as if letting go meant the loss of his sanity. He didn’t care how crazy that made him look or sound. 

M’Baku raced to his quarters. Staff jumped out his way like the parting of the Red Sea, afraid of being swept up in the currents of his rage. 

N'Danna followed closely on his chief’s heels, not surprised by his reaction. His sister was the single most important thing in this world to M’Baku. Their love was one of a kind. So he knew this would devastate him. He was barely holding it together himself, he just did a better job of hiding his emotions than M’Baku. This destroyed every expectation he set for himself as her big brother - her first friend and fiercest protector until M’Baku. How could they live with themselves if something happened to the brightest, most crucial star in their skies? With no time to process his own thoughts before M’Baku’s arrival, N'Danna knew he wouldn’t have the chance. Someone had to be strong and logical, be willing to set aside all emotions to find her. M’Baku’s current reaction indicated that he would be unable to fulfill that task. That role and burden fell squarely on his shoulders. 

When M’Baku and N'Danna reached the Chief’s chambers, reality came crashing down all at once like a collapsing skyscraper. Despite the warmth emanating from the raging fire in their room, a chill overcame him as if ice water coursed through his veins instead of warm blood. His visual survey of the chambers forced him to confront the harsh reality surrounding him. 

There was clear evidence of a struggle. Zarah’s favorite white fur blanket, a gift from M’Baku after he proposed, was torn and tossed to the floor, the glass coffee table in front of the fire was shattered, Jabari mead and small blood stains littered various spots on the fur carpet, Zarah’s knobkerrie splintered and thrown aside. M’Baku’s body was on autopilot as he steered himself to his bed after feeling his legs grow weak beneath him. His head fell to his hands. He tried to calm his mind and the storm of emotions brewing beneath the surface. However, this proved to be a pointless effort. His rage was uncontainable and quickly burst from him. 

“HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?” He yelled. The chief was beyond anger, he was seething. 

“I have a team on the way to search the entire Lodge and pull the security cameras as we speak. I arrived here and realized what had happened only moments before you did. Her guards are still unconscious. When they wake, we will know more.” 

This explanation was wasted breath as his chief was not even listening. M’Baku’s mind was racing while he wildly paced by his bed.

“What are we going to do? We have to find her. Your team must have some leads… something. We should be out there searching for her now. She could be hurt. We… w-w-we have to find her,” he ranted. His rage morphed into pure panic as shock wore off and the realization of his wife’s predicament set in. No one ever kidnapped anyone with pure intentions. Whatever they wanted with her, it can’t be good. 

“First, you need to calm down. We won’t get anywhere without thinking clearly. We can send an initial search team out but without a plan or any indication of where to start? And where will they go? Half the Lands will be inaccessible for the night within the next two hours. Any search efforts tonight would be futile. We would be searching aimlessly. Let’s go to the throne room and wait for my team there. We will find her. I have no doubt in my mind.”

M’Baku nodded. He no longer thought about the blizzard about to dump multiple feet of snow on his tribe. He could only think about this, the storm already destroying his world. 

_ We will find her _ .  _ I will find her.  _

His eyes filled with determination as he grabbed his knobkerrie and marched out of his bedroom, not waiting for N’Danna to fall in line behind him. He was not going to rest until he found his wife, even if he had to move every mountain in Wakanda or destroy every person who stood in his way. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter showed what M'Baku was up to, now we get to see what happened to Zarah during the village fire. Enjoy!

“Kasim?” Lady Zarah called out to the head of her Queensguard standing outside her chambers. He poked his head in to see his chieftess tying her robe around her waist. 

“Yes my lady?”

“Any idea where Lord M’Baku is? He didn’t answer his beads… did he leave the Lodge?” Zarah wasn’t usually needy. But she had a long day and was expecting her husband home by this hour so they could cuddle by the fire. 

Kasim spared a quick amusing glance at his second-in-command, Mosi. They found M’Baku and Zarah’s inability to go long periods without the other to be quite amusing and endearing. More than half of their time was spent sharing her whereabouts with the Kingsguard or vice versa because they couldn’t stand to be apart for more than an hour. 

“Yes, my lady. Lord M’Baku and the guard are in the East Village, responding to a fire. He will return before the storm crosses the border mountains.” 

Zarah’s faced scrunched up in disappointment. 

“Alright, thank you. That will be all, you and Mosi are dismissed for the evening,” she said with a soft smile, hating to keep her guard longer than needed. 

“No, my lady. We are to stay with you until Lord M’Baku returns,” he responded. 

Zarah rolled her eyes, flopping down on the edge of her bed, “You realize no harm will befall me in my own bedroom yes? It is late, a storm is coming. Don’t you all want to get home?” she questioned. 

Kasim laughed, “While we appreciate your thoughtfulness Lady Zarah, neither of us fancy being thrown from Dead Man’s peak because we abandoned our post. And that is exactly what Lord M’Baku will do if we leave.”

“Touché,” she laughed. Her husband was known to be a bit overzealous when it came to her safety. 

“We will leave you to rest my lady,” Kasim gave her a smile and turned to leave. He paused before addressing her again. “Apologies, there is one more thing. The maintenance staff asked if they could come by and work on the leak in your bathroom tonight? They will come back tomorrow to fully fix it but they said they can patch it up for the night and that will last until they can examine the pipes.”

Zarah sighed, she just wanted to collapse into bed, not wait up for the staff. But she also knew if the storm was bad, there was no guarantee the staff would make it in to fix it tomorrow. She hated leaving things undone and knew M’Baku would be happy to come home and not have to maneuver around the steady leak that started in their bathroom the previous night. It didn’t matter how many times they insulated the pipes around the Lodge, they always had an issue or two this time of the year. Zarah tried to convince M’Baku to install vibranium pipes, which would last forever and never freeze in the dead of the winter. But he refused to budge. So of course, the next pipe burst had to be one in their bathroom. 

“Yes, that is fine. Thank you!” 

Kasim nodded and bowed before exiting fully. Zarah decided there was no point in getting comfortable if the staff was going to arrive momentarily so she poured herself a glass of Jabari mead, pulled her favorite book off the bookshelf and settled on the couch. She shivered slightly, despite the raging fire across the living room space in their chambers, so she wrapped the white fur blanket from the couch around her. It was made of the softest fur Jabariland had to offer, a gift from M’Baku after he proposed. She only used it when she was craving his presence. M’Baku sprayed his favorite cologne on it so it always smelled like him. 

She got comfortable, reading Jabari folklore. Tonight she decided to reread the tale of Chief Omarr and Chieftess Oba, two of the greatest leaders the Jabari ever saw. Their story was legend and Zarah’s favorite. 

Zarah pulled her long goddess twists into a ponytail, growing tired of them falling into her face as she read. She didn’t make it far into her book when she heard a knock on the door. 

“Come in,” she called. 

“The workers are here, Lady Zarah,” Kasim announced before ushering two men into the space. 

“Thank you Kasim. That will be all.” she said, lifting her eyes from the pages to greet the workers. “Thanks for coming. You all know where everything is. Let me know if you need anything.” 

They both nodded and shuffled to the bathroom. Zarah’s head tilted slightly as her curiosity for the two men grew the longer she looked at them. Zarah wasn’t sure what set off alarm bells in her head. There were no obvious red flags with the two men or Kasim wouldn’t have let them in. They were seemingly average at first glance. But there were small things. First, Zarah didn’t recognize them. The tribe wasn’t that big and after becoming chieftess, Zarah made it a point to know every person who worked in the Lodge.  _ Maybe they are new, _ she thought internally. Second, these men were seriously underfed, almost sickly looking, unlike most of the Jabari. Their uniforms seemed to be sizes too big, hanging off their thin frames, certainly unlike anything she had seen within the staff. 

Individually, neither of these were that odd and could have reasonable explanations. But Zarah spent enough time with her warrior brother and husband to know that ignoring the warning bells in your own head was never a good practice. Zarah decided that she would rather be safe than sorry and got up to alert Kasim. At least he could wait in the room with her until they finished. 

But before her manicured hand could touch the gold doorknob in their quarters, she heard a cold voice behind her. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Zarah.”

She whipped around to see one of the two men, now standing right behind her with a spear in hand. Her heart started beating out of her chest, its strong thumping loud in her ears as she tried to quickly strategize. Her eyes glanced at the couch, where she knew her knobkerrie laid on the floor. She wondered if she could buy enough time to get to it or discreetly alert her guard that something was amiss. 

“Looking for this?” the shorter of them asked as he walked over to the couch and grabbed her knobkerrie. Her heart sank into her stomach. There was an extra weapon in her closet but she knew she wouldn’t make it in time. The man twirled her weapon in his hand a few times before tossing it to the side. 

“Who are you and what do you want?” she asked calmly. 

The taller of the two men answered, “Who we are does not matter. We are merely servants of our master. And we want you. We don’t want to hurt you.”

His words were slightly muffled, drowned out by Zarah’s own heartbeat as she struggled to stay calm. Whatever they wanted, it couldn’t be good. 

“You need to back away from me” Zarah demanded, pulling herself to her full height. The man cackled before wrapping his hand around her neck and lifting her off the floor. Zarah choked, felt the air running out in her body as she struggled to fill her lungs with more. Her nails clawed at his hand to loosen his grip. 

“We don’t want to hurt you, but we will if you continue to be uncooperative,” the shorter man said in a slightly bored tone, as if the chieftess’s antics to save herself were an annoyance to him. 

“Ka…Kasim!!” She tried to push her vocal cords to yell but they wouldn’t, not under the weight of his hands crushing them. The smaller man whispered something Zarah couldn’t hear as she continued to thrash under his grip and he let her go. Zarah didn’t have to be a military genius to know this was her one shot. She deduced that there wasn’t enough space to open the door and make it through with his body pressing hers against one door and the shorter assailant leaning against the other so she decided to make a break for the closet. At least that would give her time for her guard to come and save her. 

“KASIM!” She screamed as loud as her vocal cords would allow. She didn’t look back to see if they heard her. Zarah made it to just past the couch before she felt a rough grip on her arm. She tried to loosen his grip on her as they struggled against the arm of the couch. 

“I… see… you want us to do this the hard way,” he struggled out as they fought. He used his free hand to strike her, the force of it caused her to tumble sideways to the floor and tip over the glass coffee table.. She let out a few coughs as her body reacted to the impact of hitting the floor. 

Zarah refused to stop fighting and yelled yet again for her guards. She didn’t understand where Kasim and Mosi were, why they weren’t running to her rescue but she couldn’t dwell on it. Her hands went behind her and she pushed herself onto her hands and feet to crawl backwards away from her attacker. She didn’t make it far, his hand enclosed on her ankle and dragged her back toward him. She cried out in pain as he drug her over the broken shards of glass now littering the floor. Next thing she knew he was on top of her, both his hands closed around her forearms, forcing her into the ground. She thrashed and kicked, tried to buck his body off of hers but nothing worked. She let out another scream that quickly became muffled as a set of hands forced a wet cloth over her mouth. She was forced to breath in the disgusting taste of whatever liquid they dosed it in. Zarah knew immediately that all hope was lost. Whatever chemical she just breathed in, she could feel its effects immediately. She suddenly felt weak, too weak to continue her thrashing movements beneath him. The weight and pressure of the body above her was suddenly gone but all of her limbs still felt heavy as she tried to move. Zarah felt her body lifted into one of their arms as they moved. Her head fell back as the drugs started to affect her vision and tether to the conscious world. The last thing she saw before her eyes fell closed was the body of one of her guard’s on the ground, slumped outside her door.

The men made quick work of placing her unconscious body in a body bag, exiting the Lodge and loading her into a cart waiting at the back of the Lodge. They rode quietly through the mountains. They stopped once to pick up two men who were waiting at the edge of the Jabari territory. The men would have looked odd to any onlookers, their oversized clothes covered in soot. 

As she lay in the back of the cart, the world was completely oblivious to the state of the Jabari’s chieftess. Jabari boarded up their windows to prepare for the storm, her husband loaded up his guard to head home and her brother finally wrapped up his work day three stories below her bedroom in the Lodge. Everyone was completely unaware of the plan that was just set into motion by five foot soldiers. 

***

In a corner of the mountains just outside of the Jabari territory, a man sat reciting his evening prayers at his desk when he heard a knock at his door. He let out a grunt. 

“I asked not to be disturbed. Leave me, now!” He yelled at the unknown person behind his door. 

“My lord, it is urgent! They have her,” the voice called back to him, the excitement in his voice was undeniable. 

His head snapped up, his eyes gleamed with anticipation. His chair let out a loud screeching noise as he stood up quickly, almost ripping his door of its handle to face his assistant. 

“What?”

The man was breathless, having run through the compound to tell his master the news. “They have her. She just arrived. It is time.”

The man couldn’t believe it. Years of planning for this moment and it was finally here. 

“Yes it is,” he grasped hands with his most faithful and devoted servant. “UHanuman uya kuvuka kwakhona,*” he whispered. 

Translation: UHanuman uya kuvuka kwakhona - Hanuman shall rise again. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: A semi-graphic depiction of violence, more angst

Drip… drip… drip… drip

That is the first thing Zarah registered as she returned to the conscious world - the sound of water splashing onto a surface nearby. Her head fell sideways, causing a groan to escape her lips at the stiffness and pain in her neck. All of her senses were coming back to her slowly, first sound and then her vision. She rolled her head and tried to lift her hand to massage her neck but quickly realized she couldn’t. She looked down, eyes blinking rapidly to adjust to the dim lighting, to see her hands strapped to a wooden chair by brown, fraying rope. Her eyes traveled further to her feet and found them similarly tied. She struggled against her restraints before realizing it was worthless, they were tied painfully tight. She wasn’t going anywhere. Panic coursed through her body as she tried to understand where she was and how she got there. A shiver racked her body and she realized she was missing her robe, only clad in her nightgown, lace bra and panties. 

Her panicked eyes started a visual survey of the makeshift room she was in. She wasn’t even sure she could call it a room, it looked like she was underground, surrounded by dark grey, jagged walls made of rock. There was a singular lantern attached to the wall to the left of her, lit with a flame. She tried to rack her brain, searching the depths for a memory of how she ended up here. The last thing she could remember was her guard alerting her that the maintenance staff had arrived to fix her bathroom. After that, there was only darkness. She didn’t have time to dwell on what she couldn’t remember because she finally stumbled upon the only thing of interest in this room. The silhouette of a person leaning in the corner. 

“Show yourself,” Zarah demanded with a strong voice. “Who are you and where am I?”

The silhouette didn’t move out of the shadows but laughed. “You aren’t in a position to make any demands here.” 

Zarah’s eyebrows furrowed at the disrespect in his voice, the lack of title he regarded her with. But something about his voice struck her. She couldn’t place it but it sounded oddly familiar - she knew this man. She just didn’t know how.

“I am glad to see you are awake. I was worried they gave you too high of a dosage. A dead chieftess is of no use to me.”

“Dosage? What did you do to me? What is this? What do you want from me?” Her rapid-fire questions were met with utter silence, causing Zarah’s composure to fracture and her frustrations to spill over. 

“As Chieftess of the Jabari, I demand you release me.” 

“Your title, your demands mean nothing here girl. Don’t make me tell you again. Another outburst and you will pay dearly, understand?” 

Zarah knew when the power dynamics weren’t in her favor. Though she was one of the most powerful women in Wakanda, in whatever world this was, it didn’t mean a damn thing. 

“I… I’m sorry. Please, I didn’t mean to upset you. Could you… could you just tell me what you want?” she asked. 

“In due time,” he said as he stepped out of the shadows. Understanding and confusion competed for space in her mind as she looked at Davu, chief of the Cave Dwellers. 

On the one hand, it made perfect sense.  _ You should have known it was him. Who else would bring you to a fucking cave? _ She thought internally. But this created more questions than answers. The cave dwellers were a cult formed over a century ago by former Jabari. Their hatred for all technology forced them to break ties with rest of tribe. They decided to live in a network of caves created by the first Jabari that settled in the mountains. The group started out as nature enthusiasts, a group of Jabari who preferred to live simply and off the land, believing that technology was a distraction. That was until a few overly devoted members drove the group into fanaticism. While the Jabari did not agree with Wakanda’s obsession with vibranium, they still used Jabari wood to build their infrastructure, one that was now as advanced as the rest of the country. The dwellers, however, swore off any use of Jabari wood or vibranium as an abomination. They considered Jabari wood a gift from Hanuman, one that should be left in the ground to grow as it pleased. The Jabari, however, considered Jabari wood a gift from Hanuman to help the tribe live and thrive on their own. They preached that doing anything else with the substance was a slap in the face to Hanuman and would curse the Lands. Their extremism drove them out, long before M’Baku and Zarah were thought of. Admittedly, Zarah was sure their disgust for the Jabari had grown tenfold since M’Baku decided to rejoin Wakanda and accept small but useful vibranium tech from the Golden City, a process she spent most of her days coordinating. 

Still, Zarah didn’t understand.

_ What use could I be to him? _ She wondered. Before marrying M’Baku, Zarah was the tribe’s lead engineer. Her job was to find new ways to use and mold Jabari wood and build up the tribe’s infrastructure. Since rejoining Wakanda, she led all the recent advancements with Shuri and was learning how to work with vibranium from the young Wakandan princess. While useful to the Panthers and the tribe, Zarah knew she was of no use to a man or a cult that didn’t believe in technology. If this was a ploy to halt the tribe’s advances, well that would fail miserably. While the chieftess was the brightest the Jabari had seen in ages, their technological advances wouldn’t simply cease just because Davu removed her from the equation. 

However, she realized that Davu wasn’t going to give her the answers she desperately sought just yet. He walked away, aptly ignoring her to talk with a man guarding the door. Zarah strained her ears to listen but their hushed voices didn’t carry that far. 

Zarah’s trepidation continued to mount as a group of men filed into the dimly lit room and lined the walls in front of her. She counted about 50 after scanning the crowd. She straightened up, pulling her body to full height and kept her head held high. She refused to let these men see her sweat. Her facade cracked slightly as she jumped in her seat at the slamming of the door by a guard. But otherwise, she held strong. 

Zarah refused to cower as Davu turned his attention back to her and stalked toward her like a predator ready to feast on his prey. She maintained the facade well until Davu touched her. He seemed determined to remind her of her place here, that she actually held no real power in his world. She tried to resist her body’s impulse to flinch beneath his touch and stared at the flame lighting the wall to disassociate. At first it was easy, Davu’s hand merely caressed her cheek, a confusing move for a kidnapper but not a dangerous one. But then his hand started to travel down her body. The farther south his dirtied hand went, the more her facade cracked. She couldn’t keep the silent tears from falling down her cheeks as he roughly groped her breasts, a disgusting display of power for his audience. While one hand was occupied with her breast, the other traveled over and pushed her nightgown up her legs, exposing her thighs to the cold air. The mere thought of what could follow caused her to shrink away in disgust.

“Please… please stop,” Zarah whispered. 

Davu let out a deep sigh and grunt before his hand slammed into the side of her face. Zarah cried out at the sharp pain of his ring cutting into her cheek. 

“It appears you have not learned your place yet, girl. Your wishes mean nothing to me. What you want means nothing here.”

He motioned for one of the men to approach and her eyes were immediately drawn to the long silver knife in his hand. Her eyes widened and her heartbeat was loud in her ears as she panicked.  _ Is it all over that fast? _ Her body instinctively braced itself for the pending sharp pain of a knife, twisting away from the approaching man slightly. She closed her eyes, praying to Hanuman for a quick death that never came. Instead, the bindings on her hands and feet were cut loose. She instinctively cradled her aching wrists. The bindings already started to leave bruises.

Before Zarah could make any attempts to move herself, Davu dragged her from the chair by her arm and threw her to the ground. She let out a soft grunt and rolled slightly as the impact knocked the wind out of her. 

“Davu, please we can talk abo- Ahhhh” she screamed as she was pulled up by her ponytail. Davu forced the young chieftess onto her knees to face the crowd. 

“Men! I present to you Lady Zarah, Chieftess of the Jabari,” he sneered. His words carried a level of contempt she couldn’t begin to understand. She had never even met Davu. Hell, she had only seen him in person once at M’Baku’s challenge day and he wouldn’t have noticed her - she was simply a face in the crowd.  _ How could he hate me so much?  _

“Instead of protecting the tribe and upholding the traditions of our ancestors, Lady Zarah spends her time making a mockery of what it means to be a Jabari woman. Instead of taking care of her people, she consorts with the Panthers in the Golden City. Together, they build technology that would make the Jabari slaves to the physical world, a disgrace to Hanuman. We. Will. Not. Stand. For. It.” By the end of his rant, he was yelling, his anger was palpable. 

“It is time that she be taught the consequences of breaking tradition, would you agree men?”

“Yes Chief!” the crowd barked in reply. 

He unraveled her hair from his fist, her body quickly slumping to the ground since he was the only thing holding her up. She didn’t even notice the five men approaching her as she pushed herself back up onto her knees. By the time she noticed them, it was too late. Zarah didn’t even get a chance to really look at them before one of the men raised his staff and brought it down on her temple. She cried out as she lost her balance and fell to the ground, body hunched and arms cradling her head to protect it from further damage. 

She had mere moments to writhe around on the floor before the man started kicking her in the chest. One after the other, his foot connected with her stomach and chest. All she could do was cry out in pain as each blow knocked the air out of her and sent shooting pains through her body. When he relented, Zarah started coughing as her body tried to catch its breath. All she could taste was the disgusting copper in her own blood mixing with her saliva.

“Please…stop. No more, I can’t!” She begged to no one in particular as she struggled to sit herself up again. She heard chuckles and jeering from the crowd as they ignored her pleads for mercy. 

One by one, the men approached and did their worst to her body. It was a struggle to hold on. She was given time to rest in between, mostly because she was struggling to stay conscious through the ordeal. Davu needed her awake for the showmanship of it all. She knew he wanted to hear her screams, the begging and pleading to make it all stop. And as much as she didn’t want to acquiesce, she had no choice. Every blow drew out the cries Davu craved and she hated herself for it. 

Zarah was straddling the line of consciousness when someone dragged her out of the room and into another with bars. 

_ My cell.  _

Her body fell to the ground and instinctively curled into a ball. Zarah heard the loud clanging of the metal bars shut and the footsteps fade before she started sobbing. It didn’t take long for her to cry herself to sleep. 


	4. Chapter 4

“Try and calm down Lord M’Baku. We will find her,” T’Challa implored as he watched M’Baku stalk up and down the throne room for the 100th time. M’Baku paused long enough to send a piercing glare at his King. If looks could kill, Wakanda would have been without a king for the third time in two years. 

“It has been over 24 hours. Do you know what they could have done to her T’Challa? She could be de-” The word got caught in his throat as he unleashed his frustrations on the king. His brain would not allow him to put that idea into the atmosphere. 

He took a deep breath, tightly gripping the back of his throne chair to calm himself before continuing, “Would you be able to calm down if this was your wife?”

A painful grimace passed across his face as his eyes fell on Nakia. T’Challa raised his hands in surrender, signaling that he wouldn’t press the issue further. 

Once the tides of his frustration receded slightly, M’Baku felt a slight pang of guilt at overreacting. T’Challa was just trying to help and he wasn’t too prideful to admit he needed the King’s assistance. They needed fresh eyes to find Zarah after exhausting all their options and ideas.

The search for Lady Zarah yielded no tangible results thus far. The search of the Lodge and their bedroom gave them no clues. The kidnappers entered and exited his home like ghosts, leaving no evidence of their presence behind. 

Her Queensguard was useless, not that they meant to be. When they finally came to, Kasim and Mosi were devastated to learn their chieftess was missing. Neither could offer anything concrete. Their memories were either gone or too jumbled to decipher. The security cameras couldn’t fill in the blanks, the camera that should have been facing the Chief’s bedroom door had been tampered with. The footage showed two men walking down the hallway with a human-size bag, but did not show how they managed to take her and immobilize her guard. When they tried to find the maintenance workers actually assigned to work that evening, they were nowhere to be found. 

The only real lead they had was the village fire, which they determined to be arson. N'Danna believed it was set to draw M’Baku and most of his guard away from the Lodge so they could take Lady Zarah with as little interference as possible. 

Search teams scoured Jabariland, asking villagers if they knew anything and offering rewards to anyone with information. But these efforts were pointless because there seemed to be no information to share. Their tireless search merely revealed dead end after dead end. As night transition into day and back again, it started to seem like the Lady of Jabariland had vanished into thin air without a trace. 

Emotionally, M’Baku was barely holding it together. The mere thought that he would never see Zarah again was torture. He was suffocating. He felt like he was stuck in his worst nightmare with no promise of waking up. His mind tortured him with thoughts of what atrocities could be committed against her. This situation felt like a maze and he was racing through aimlessly, unable to find the finish line. His thoughts trailed him, haunting and mocking him for every wrong turn he made. He felt helpless. One thing tradition taught him was that the very principle of manhood is to protect your home and family. He failed at both, he failed her. And when he found her, he vowed to spend every day of his life making it up to her.

“Walk us through everything again,” Okoye demanded. “Everything you know - the most minor detail could help.”

M’Baku sighed, “Zarah and I both were in and out of meetings all day. We had dinner, I went back to my office to finish up some work. She usually retires to our room for the evening at 8. Around 8:30, my guard alerted me of the fire. I took the guard with me, leaving Zarah with two of her guards. She has two others but their shift ended for the day.”

“What’s the timeline again?” Nakia asked. 

“M’Baku left the Lodge at 8:30, Kasim said the workers came after 9:00 - he couldn’t remember the exact time. I left my office and M’Baku came home around 11. There was a maximum 10 minute window of me realizing she was gone and M’Baku returning to the Lodge. If they planned it right, they were banking on having at least an hour and a half to a two-hour head start.”

“How far could they get in that time?”

“With the weather last night? On horseback, they could get to the border. Probably not much farther before the storm slowed them down.”

M’Baku rubbed his forehead.  _ We are wasting time _ , he thought. It didn’t matter how many times they talked through his day, this was not helping them find her any faster. 

“We know this can’t be random. They had a ruse to draw you out and one to get into her chambers undetected. That coupled with tampering with the security cameras… this is complex, sophisticated. Whoever took her has means and a motive. Do you know anyone like that? Did Zarah have issues with anyone who could pull something like this off?” Nakia asked.

M’Baku didn’t want to admit the truth, that he didn’t know the answer to her question because his wife wasn’t the most forthcoming person he knew. But facts were facts and hiding them wouldn’t help them now. When he and N’Danna sat down and racked their brains for a motive, a person who hated Zarah enough to hurt her, they both came up short. He despised himself for not knowing, not being able to point to a suspect. He hated that after years of friendship and a year and a half of marriage, his wife still wasn’t totally open with him. But he was very aware of his wife’s personal hang ups, her inability to be vulnerable with people. 

Zarah didn’t like to burden others with her problems and had an intense fear of failure, specifically failing him. Which meant she hated asking for help and rarely did so. To her, asking for help was signaling defeat. And defeat was never an option. She played the role of the perfect wife and chieftess as best she could, doing everything asked of her and fixing every problem she could. And she did it all without assistance. Anything less was unacceptable. While many in the tribe saw this as a manifestation of her dedication to her people, M’Baku didn’t see it with the same rose-colored glasses. He saw the toll it took on her mental health and well-being. He tried to impress upon her that her expectations for herself were too high, almost unattainably so. But she never budged. He could get the facade to come down occasionally but those moments were few and far in between. Truthfully she had always been this way. Her parents’ insane expectations for her and constant criticisms when she fell short added fuel to the gasoline fire of her overachieving personality. M’Baku had hoped it would change once they got married and she understood that she couldn’t fail or disappoint him. But it hadn’t. 

“Zarah… would not have told me if she had an issue with someone. She keeps her problems close to her. She isn’t one to ask for help. She would exhaust all her resources before involving me in anything." 

"Well, what about you? What of your enemies? Could someone be doing this to get at you?” Okoye asked. 

M’Baku’s eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared slightly at her before he responded. “Are you suggesting this is somehow my fault?” He couldn’t hide the defensive anger in his tone if he tried.

T’Challa could hear the chief’s rage building back up in his words and tried to diffuse the conversation early. “No one is suggesting you are to blame. It is unfortunate to consider but one way to get to you is through Lady Zarah. Is there anyone in the tribe with a grievance this extreme against you?" 

He understood the question’s purpose but his anger was still present. He had been blaming himself since this ordeal started, he didn’t want to consider the idea that she was taken because of his choices. Hearing the suggestion out loud just turned up the dial of his guilt. 

"No… no.” he said firmly. “There are people who don’t like me or my decisions, mainly rejoining Wakanda. But no one has made threats or could do this.”

Silence fell over them before N’Danna switched tactics. “Have her beads moved any Shuri?" 

"No, they have been in the same spot since I last checked.” Shuri pulled up a 3-D map of Jabariland and expanded it across their war table. The map showed a light blue line highlighting the path Lady Zarah took out of the Lodge before the beads stopped moving. They already had a team search the area for her beads and her body, but found nothing. Her beads likely buried underneath the fresh snow in the woods. 

“Are you sure there was nothing out there? The men found nothing suspicious?” T’Challa asked. 

“It’s just forest. That’s an old trail, it leads out of the tribe. This,” N’Danna reached and pointed to a break in the trees before a new mountain range started, “Marks the end of the Jabari territory. If you continue on that road, you are headed out of Wakanda. No one goes out that far.”

“Wait, that can’t be right,” Shuri interjected. “I have studied maps of Wakanda. The Jabari control all the mountain ranges in our borders. Our borders extend for miles beyond that point. If you all don’t range that far, then what’s out there?" 

"That land used to be ours over a century ago. Once you get onto this mountain, you are in the Dwellers’ territory. Jabari are not allowed. The only things they could have done on this path is take her over these mountains and out of Wakanda; or looped around and gone down to the River tribe’s territory. It is the perfect spot to do it. The fastest and most secluded path out of Jabariland from the Lodge. But the snowfall covered their tracks so we have no way of knowing what direction they went once they were off this path.”

“Forces are searching Brinin Zana and all of Wakanda as we speak. If she is down the mountains, we will know,” Okoye responded.

Silence fell over them for a few moments as each of them poured over the information they had. Warriors, a scientist and a spy. They all had different perspectives and ways of examining a problem but they were stumped. They felt like children struggling to put a puzzle together. They knew they were just missing a key piece, one that would bring the entire picture together. The answer was here. It had to be, people don’t just vanish into thin air. 

“Maybe we should go out there. Half of us can go to this area and examine it ourselves, the other half can go back through their bedroom? There has to be a clue and we are just missing it. We can look over every location with fresh eyes and regroup in a few hours.” Shuri proposed.

“WE DON’T HAVE A FEW HOURS! SHE IS OUT THERE NOW!” M’Baku exploded, all the pent up rage boiling over at the suggestion that they waste further time repeating the same tasks. 

“Well I am open to other ideas but your men have been searching for a day and we have been pouring over the little information you have for hours. We are no closer to finding her than you were yesterday. We need more. This,” she gestured at the papers and maps littering the table, “is not enough. So what do you suggest?” She inquired defensively. 

“Stop!” N’Danna cut M’Baku off before he could bark a retort out at the princess. “Arguing certainly won’t help us find her so enough. M’Baku, take Nakia to your wing and let her look around. Shuri, go down to Zarah’s office and search it. If she was having issues or problems, she may have written it in her journals. I will take T’Challa and Okoye to the woods. And I will send the search teams out again. We will regroup in 2 hours." 

He looked at M’Baku expectantly, making sure he was on board with the plan. He sucked his teeth before nodding, signaling his agreement. Everyone also nodded before heading out in their groups. 

****

Zarah was reminiscing. There was really nothing else to do and all the other things she could think about were less positive. They gave her hope, a reason to hold on. She thought about her brother and all their rambunctious childhood adventures; Shuri and all their exciting discoveries in their labs; and her husband and all their firsts. Their first kiss was a favorite of Zarah’s, she replayed that moment in her head often when she was struggling. The first time someone made her feel chosen and wanted. Zarah could think about that one moment all day and still be enthralled by it. Zarah didn’t get to enjoy her memories of M’Baku long though. She was torn out of her dreams of him at the sound of her cell door opening. She weakly began lifting herself into a sitting position when a man roughly pulled her to her feet. She swayed slightly, her head pounding at the sudden movement. She brought her hands up and held her head for a moment to steady herself. She wished they would be more gentle with her body. But no one she had met here so far seemed capable of that level of empathy for the chieftess. She tried to rip her arm out of the person’s hand but their grip was too tight and painful. 

"What are you doing? Where are we going?” She slurred as he dragged her out of her cell. 

He ignored her. They walked for a few minutes, Zarah tried to look around for anything that could help her escape but her vision was blurry and unfocused. After a series of turns, he brought her to a room with a small cot. It resembled a hospital room, sterile but without modern technology or medicine a healing room would typically have. Next to the cot was a small table that held a row of syringes. 

They laid her on the bed, slightly upright. The moment of relief its softness brought was immediately stripped away as the man started to strap her arms and legs to the sides of the bed. 

Davu and another man entered after a few minutes. 

“What is going on?” she asked him, anxiously.

“Well, we wanted to see how strong you really are. Your life is so dependent on vibranium and Jabari wood… let’s see how you hold up against the natural elements when there is none of it to save you, shall we?” He picked up one of the syringes and brought it over to her.

“Wait, what is that?” She asked before he pushed the syringe into her arm. 

“Just something we made… from ukufa okuhle*.”

Zarah’s heart raced and the panic read clearly on her face. Ukufa Okuhle* was a flower that grew across Wakanda. They always joked at how on the nose the name was. It was an entrancingly beautiful flower, it grew in vibrant shades of blue. When it was at full bloom, the petals developed creamy white tips. They were truly gorgeous. However, it was common knowledge that underneath that beauty laid a dangerous toxin. Ingested in large quantities, the flower meant certain death. It was slow, it was agonizing and it was inevitable. 

“Don’t worry, it is not enough to kill you. I have plans for you… plans that require you to be alive. I have no interest in killing you just yet.”

Zarah was not reassured by that statement. Her heart rate picked up rapidly as the needle broke her skin. She prayed he was right and this was not a lethal dose. Davu was no doctor or scientist. She certainly had no idea just how much of the flower one could ingest before death was certain. From all her past research, it seemed to depend on the person’s body chemistry and will to survive. He was playing with things that even she didn’t fully understand, which meant he likely didn’t understand them either. 

At first, Zarah felt nothing. She sat quietly for a few moments before she started to feel unbearably hot and her heart rate started to beat at an abnormally fast pace. It didn’t take long for Zarah to feel like she was being burned alive from the inside out, sweat dripping down her face like someone dosed her in water. 

“W-w-what is happening?” she pushed out, feeling like she extended all her energy just to say those three words. She didn’t hear a response but it didn’t matter. All she could focus on was her heart, which was beating so fast that she was sure she was having a heart attack. That continued as a pain started building from the base of her skull. It wasn’t long before it overtook her entire mind, her head pounding like someone had started bashing it in with a hammer. Zarah cried out in pain as her pain sensors became overloaded. She couldn’t even think of what to pay attention to first - her rapid heartbeat, the hypersensitivity in her muscles and bones that increased her existing pain tenfold, the headache that made her feel like her head was splitting open, or the nauseating feeling building up in her stomach. All competed for her attention as she laid thrashing against her straps, begging Bast, Hanuman or any of the Gods who may exist to save her. But there was no escape, no break.

Zarah wasn’t sure how long it lasted. When she fully registered the world again, she was being untied for the bed. The worst was over but she could still feel the aftereffects of the substance ghosting through her. Her face was drenched in a mixture of her sweat and tears. 

“You took that pretty well my queen,” Davu mocked from his corner of the room. “Though your screams did get a bit tiresome to listen to. But everyone takes the first dose well, while they still have the will to live. We shall see how you feel after the rest yes?" 

Her head fell slightly to the side allowing her eyes to fall on the table and count the vials here. Ten. Panic must have read in her eyes, pleads she didn’t have the strength to voice. 

"Don’t worry. We aren’t going to do them all now. This process will take time. For now, you can go get some rest.”

Zarah didn’t say anything, she didn’t have the energy to. The other man in the room picked her up and carried her back to her cell. He threw her down and slammed the cell shut, leaving her to recover alone. 

Zarah immediately curled herself into a ball and let out a sob. Previously, she thought she had found rock bottom, that she couldn’t be broken down any further. But apparently Davu knew she wasn’t at her breaking point just yet and it seemed as though it was his life’s mission to find it. She didn’t know what to do. But she did know that she couldn’t survive 10 of those. She knew she couldn’t. 

But she did. She lasted through five more. They didn’t get easier, death felt imminent through each one. She was now in a battle with Death and the Grim Reaper always had the upper hand. She fought him with the sheer will and desire to survive, held him back every time it seemed like he was ready to collect her. But she understood what Davu meant. Like a flame fighting harsh winds, her will to fight and survive was slowly dying out. And she wasn’t sure anything could revive it.


	5. Chapter 5

Zarah was dying. She was sure of it. And not in an overly dramatic “my life is falling apart” sort of way. No, she knew the silky, menacing hands of Death were reaching for her like she knew the sun would rise in the morning. She just wouldn’t be alive to see it.

She wondered what she would have done differently… if she had known she was sharing her last moments with her loved ones. The things she would have done, said. She would regret that, not appreciating how precious and limited her time was. Two years with M’Baku wasn’t enough, it seemed cruel of Hanuman to give them something so special and rip it away so suddenly, so harshly. They weren’t even given the opportunity to say goodbye. 

The average lifespan in Wakanda was 102. So Zarah had plans… to grow old and grey with him. M’Baku wanted at least six kids, his own personal army, and she was more than willing to give him as many as time and her body would allow. They had decided to start trying after they hit two years of marriage. Their relationship had been a whirlwind up until their wedding day, friendship to dating to married in six short months. So they were holding off to give themselves more time to build a solid foundation. Then after their first-born son or daughter took the throne, they would retire and split their time between the Lodge with their grandchildren and a small cabin in the mountains. They would spend their days hiking, gardening, exploring the rest of Wakanda, all the things they wanted to do now but didn’t have time to. She could see it clear as day. M’Baku would have been the best father and Zarah would have tried to be a great mother, she would have given her kids the love and affection she never had. A few tears fell at the future that would only be allowed to exist in her dreams, a litany of unfulfilled promises that would die with her. But there was still a chance for M’Baku, his future still bursting with hope. He could still be a great father, have those six kids and retire in the mountains -  _ it just won’t be with you _ , she noted to herself. Zarah wanted that for him, prayed he found peace once she was with the ancestors. She didn’t get to be his forever, but she was thankful for the time they had. Death in their culture wasn’t a goodbye anyway, she would see him again.

Before she could drown further in her sea of emotional despair, she felt her mind start to slip. She tried to fight it, tried to concentrate on anything else. It was hard though. Her brain seemed to beg her for another reprieve. When she succumbed to the darkness, she didn’t have to register the pure agony her body was in. Every breath she took sent sharp pains shooting through her chest. Her entire body was covered in various bruises and scratches, which meant every movement she made hurt. She was constantly afraid to move from the fetal position she curled herself into. Every time she tried, she was overcome with dizziness. Her vision blurred and her head pounded, forcing her to lay back down and wait for the symptoms to subside again. Her body temperature transitioned from shivering cold to burning hot. The only time she found peace was when her mind forced her into sweet oblivion.

It doesn’t matter though, she thought. As she lay shivering in the cold, clutching her body in a weak fetal position. Zarah had already accepted that she would likely die alone in this dark, cold cave. She hated herself for thinking that way. But her own helplessness hung around her neck like a noose, suffocating her. She wondered if this was how Death would get her. Not with a final blow but by luring her in with the promise of rest, the end to her suffering. A promise so alluring that she didn’t even want to fight it. She just wanted to accept, despite the finality of it. She felt she failed the Jabari and her husband. She hadn’t fought back enough, didn’t use all the tools in her arsenal soon enough. She prayed they would forgive her if she couldn’t hold on anymore. She would try. As much as she wanted it to end, she knew she owed it to them to try until the last second.

Zarah lost the battle with her mind though, her eyes falling shut and sending her into a brief sleep.

“Wake up girl.”

Zarah jolted awake as a sharp pain radiated from her side. She groaned and slowly opened her eyes to see Davu standing over her with his foot drawn back, ready to swing and kick her again. Zarah immediately tensed and rolled to protect her side. Tears stung her eyes as she attempted to breathe through the pain. She hated how broken she was, how broken he made her.

“No… please. I’m awake. What do you want?” Zarah’s words slurred and voice hoarse from a lack of water and overexertion of her vocal cords.

He roughly grabbed her arm and yanked her off the ground.

“It’s time."No, no please,” she begged her captor for the first time. “I… I can’t do anymore. I’ll do anything… just please. I am begging you.” Her words tumbled out of her in rushed sobs, her tone weary and tired.

Going back to that room meant imminent death. Tears fell down her cheeks as she looked at him, silently praying he would grant her the one thing he seemed incapable of - mercy.

“You are pathetic,” he spat. “You call yourself a chieftess, a leader but you can’t handle a little pain? He,” Davu sneered, “is weak for choosing a feeble thing like you. You are both undeserving to lead.”

She stared up at him, tears falling down her face. “I’ve done nothing to you. M’Baku and I leave you alone, don’t bother you or your people. Why are you doing this?”

“Your husband humiliated me in front of our tribe. You both are destroying the Jabari. This is about righting centuries of wrongs. It is about ensuring that the souls of the Jabari aren’t destroyed by your worldly obsessions. This is about proving that the Jabari deserve better than you and your chief’s poor leadership and lack of honor. Only Hanuman knows how you are in power, corrupting the minds of our people with useless technology… consorting with that vibranium-obsessed King and the Golden City. But they shall see how useless you are… when I am done with you, your brokenness will be all they see. I said, it is time.”

He tightened his grip and dragged her toward that room. Each step reminding her that if this was to be her last night on Earth, she couldn’t leave without a fight.

****

“What is the emergency N’Danna?” M’Baku called as he swept into the throne room after receiving a frenzied call from N’Danna minutes earlier.

N’Danna stood with T’Challa and Okoye holding a few pieces of fraying parchment paper in his hand.

“We know who has her.”

“What? How? Who? Where is she?” Like a light switch, determination replaced the despondent expression on M’Baku’s face immediately. He fired off rapid questions as hope filled his heart for the first time in days.

“One of our operatives brought this to the Eastern Border Patrol. Davu took her.”

“Davu? What? Where is he holding her?”

“Their compound. The main entrance is on the other side of the mountains but he says there are hidden entrances. One that is only two miles from her last location. He was able to escape and get a message to the border. She is there… he saw her twice. He saysthe command came straight from the top, orchestrated by Davu. He imagines some of the leaders of the sect had to help him but reasons are unclear… There is chatter amongst the lower ranks but nothing concrete.”

“Forgive me, who is this man? Davu?” Shuri asked. After centuries of isolation, the Golden City was not well versed in the tribal history of the Jabari.

“Davu is the leader of a small faction of Jabari. The tribe just refers to them as the Cave Dwellers. They are a cult that live in a compound hidden in the Eastern mountains. Years ago, the tribal leaders determined that they were a threat to the Jabari so it is forbidden territory for the rest of the tribe. They aren’t allowed in our mountains anymore after he challenged Lord M’Baku to be chief. First time they had left the caves in years. Davu yielded.”

“That sounds strangely familiar,” Shuri quipped under her breath, earning her a discrete pinch on the arm from T’Challa.

“Could this be retribution for that?” Okoye inquired, ignoring her princess’s inappropriately-timed jokes.

N'Danna shook his head. “That was over 5 years ago. 3 years before M’Baku and Zarah finally wised up and got together. It could be…but it just seems odd that he would wait so long to enact revenge and choose her as his outlet.”

“How would he have even known who Zarah was? What she looked like if they aren’t allowed in Jabariland and Jabari aren’t allowed in their territory? What do you all know about him?” Shuri asked.

“Ever since he challenged M’Baku, I have had a spy in their camp. Just to keep an eye on things. He rarely has anything to report. But he pass along information all the time to keep up his cover. Our chieftess’s identity wouldn’t have been anything worth keeping secret. We have considered that they could have spies among the Jabari but we have never really cared. We always knew they didn’t have enough men or resources to pull off an attack.”

“Aside from the reports from our operative, we don’t think about them, don’t consider them at all. They leave us alone, we leave them alone… it’s been a sort of… unspoken agreement since the challenge.”

“We should’ve never underestimated him. Davu is the smartest leader the dwellers have ever had. He knows us better than most. He is a defector - left the tribe when he was 18,” N’Danna spat, his disgust evident in his voice.

“Could it be for a ransom? Holding her to force M’Baku to give up the throne?” Shuri interjected.

“Well if that was the case, he wouldn’t wait almost 40 hours to make that known. Ransom demands come down quickly,” Nakia answered, shaking her head.

“I didn’t know Davu before he defected. He is years older than M’Baku and I. I am not sure what his play could be here, what he would want with Zarah. She is an involved chieftess, don’t get me wrong. But she doesn’t have any information that could help him attack the tribe or overthrow M’Baku,” N'Danna said. He usually could find the strategy in the game before everyone else but even he was stumped.

“We can figure out his reasoning later. Gather your men, N'Danna. We end this now.” M’Baku barked as he marched toward the door.

“Hold on Lord M’Baku.” T’Challa caught up with the determined chief in the hallway, the rest of the team following close behind. “You need a plan. I take it you have never even been to their compound? Do you even know how to get in? You can’t just kick down the door or search an entire network of caves with no plan or, more importantly, no exit strategy.”

“My wife is out there. I know where she is. I don’t care if I have to search 10 mountains worth of caves blindly. I am getting her back. Now get out of my way T’Challa. Do not make me move you.” M’Baku’s threat didn’t phase the king, he continued to stand his ground.

“We must come up with a plan on how to extract her. Think about this as a warrior. They know those caves better than you. Who is to say they won’t just move her or harm her when they realize you are there?”

M’Baku struggled to hide his annoyance at the king, finding his ability to be right insufferable.

“Fine, you all have one hour. Formulate a plan or I am knocking down Davu’s front door myself,” he asserted with finality.

T’Challa nodded in agreement before addressing N'Danna again.

“Did your guard say anything else? Her condition, what they are doing to her? Where they are keeping her?”

N'Danna rubbed the back of his neck, eyes trained on the floor to avoid the intense and expectant stare from his chief.

“He drew us a map of how to get from the compound entrance to her cell. He has only seen her twice. Davu gathered all the men in the sect to watch her public beating. It is a ritual… a punishment for those they feel have disrespected the tenants of their faith. She was beaten for hours. And he caught a glimpse of her in her cell later and could hear her screams for the last few hours. They are injecting her with something made of Ukufa Okuhle. He doesn’t believe she has much time left.”

N'Danna didn’t even need to look at M’Baku to know how he was feeling because he could feel the fury emanating off of his being.

M’Baku turned away from the group and directed his anger toward the nearest thing he could get his hands on. He threw a goblet and a few objects against the wall with all of his might. As they shattered and fell down to the floor, his anger did not break with them. He took a few deep breaths, his shoulders heaving as he tried to calm down. He finally had what he needed to save his wife but he might not make it in time. Because he wasted so much time ignoring what was right in front of him, so busy looking for enemies down the mountains and outside of Wakanda that he ignored the one in his own literal backyard. All the while, his wife was enduring beatings and poisonings, torture many trained soldiers wouldn’t hope to survive. And Zarah was strong, like all Jabari, she could hold her own. But her body wasn’t built for such pain. M’Baku would move heaven and earth to get her back but for the first time, he was forced to contend with what condition that would be in. He shook his head, pulling himself out of his guilt trip. There was no time for self loathing, panic or grief over his damaged ego and pride. He was in a race with Death and the Grim Reaper had a massive advantage. His resolve was firm - whatever condition he found her in, Zarah would receive the best care Wakanda could provide and all the love he could give, he would make sure of it.

"S-s-sorry… this is jus-” M’Baku said through gritted teeth as he struggled to regain his composure in front of the group.

“No apologies necessary… we will get her back brother. She is holding on, surviving for you. I know my sister, she can hold on a bit longer. We can’t give up on her, not when we are this close.”

“Well, let us not waste anymore precious time. We will retrieve her tonight. Bast and Hanuman will it to be so,” T’Challa declared with conviction befitting a king.

With their orders, the team set to work, formulating a plan to retrieve the young chieftess with their limited window of opportunity. Once they came knocking, it wouldn’t take long for Davu to find out. So they prepared, gathered everything and everyone needed to use the one thing Davu hated against him.

***

Zarah laid on her cot, waiting for Davu to inject her again, trying to think of something to buy her more time. Anything to distract him from sticking that needle into her arm again.

“So what happens next? You kill me and then what? When my husband finds me, dead or alive, he will have all of you executed. Is that really what you want?” Her words were labored and painful, but she pushed through, hoping to find a crack in his ironclad facade.

“What makes you so sure he will find you? Hasn’t found you yet, has he?” Zarah was glad his back was to her so he couldn’t see the obvious pang of disappointment cross her face. She would never say it out loud but she expected him to find her faster than this, he was always there to save her when she was drowning. She had been flailing for 40 hours, water clogged, limps sore and oxygen running out by the second.

_ Where was he? _

“M’Baku will throw the throne and the Jabari at my feet to get you back.”

“It doesn’t matter what you do to me. M’Baku will never give up the throne… and if he did, the Jabari will never accept you. You’re a traitor,” she spat with all the venom she could muster, directing her frustrations and disappointments at her captor. She didn’t have the strength for physical punches, but she could still get a few verbal ones in. “You don’t know how to lead. You talk about M’Baku and I… but all I see is a man desperately grasping at power he isn’t fit to have. I may die soon but at least I know you’ll be close after me.”

Davu’s motions stilled. She wondered if she had finally struck a nerve. After a couple of minutes, he turned and stalked toward her, placing the syringe on the bed next to her. “You have a lot of nerve for a woman in your position. You don’t know as much as you think. I hoped all of this,” he waved around, “would have taught you your place.”

They stared at each other for a moment, predator and prey sizing each other up.

“What does he see in you?” Davu muttered, his eyes sweeping up and down her body. “I mean I see why physically, you have quite the body but that only gets you so far. What use is a chieftess that doesn’t understand tradition and her role?”

Zarah shook her head, “I understand trad-” she was silenced as the back of his hand came down on her cheek. It didn’t even hurt at this point, a slap was insignificant in the light of everything else.

Davu’s other hand trailed up her leg, pushing the tattered nightgown further up her body as he caressed her inner thigh. Her mind wasn’t as sharp as it usually was but it only took a second for the weight of his intention to come crashing down around her.

“The Jabari deserve a chieftess that understands how to serve… that her singular job is to be of service to her king. Perhaps it is time someone taught you that.”

Zarah shook her head, “Davu… p-p-please don’t do this. You can’t do this.”

Her pleads fell on deaf ears as he started to straddle her body. However, suddenly he stilled above her. She didn’t understand until she heard it: indecipherable yells and screams on the other side of their door. Her eyes darted around the room in confusion as the door opened and slammed shut loudly, the click of the lock somehow floating above the chaos to her ears.

Three men ran up to her and Davu.

“My lord, they are here. We must hurry,” one of them said, his voice hushed.

Davu made no attempts to move, his eyes pinging between the man and Zarah and clouded with a clear internal struggle. He seemed torn.

“But we are not done with her! We can’t leave now,” he argued.

“Davu! Forget the plan. You can have her and lose your head or you can leave her and save your life. We can’t stay here and we can’t take her, she will slow us down. Hanuman doesn’t want you to die for her,” another argued quietly, begging his master to see reason. “They will find us any minute. Their weapons… The lock won’t hold. We must go now.”

Zarah didn’t understand the interaction as she struggled beneath him, her mind starting to win its battle for rest. She was exhausted, the violation of her body stalled so her thin thread to the conscious world was quickly unraveling. The world seemed to get further and further away as she watched with hazy eyes as one of them lifted a small trapdoor for the group to climb into. The last thing she remembered was the sound of the trapdoor thudding closed with finality followed by the ear bursting noise of the room door blasting off its hinges before darkness claimed her.


	6. Chapter 6

As the sun and Wakanda rose to begin another day, M’Baku had yet to rest. He, instead, spent the night staring somberly at his wife’s prone form in their bed, as if the sheer power of his will would wake her. The hours seemed to crawl by as he prayed for her return. He had her physically but now he wanted the rest of her. He hadn’t heard her voice or looked into her eyes in two days, longer than he had ever gone without her. His eyes didn’t leave her bruised form the entire night, sleep never reaching him. He could stare at her for days and never tire of it. He didn’t understand how, even after such suffering, Zarah still managed to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

He could never repay the Panthers, particularly Shuri, for their role in saving her life. They seemed to continue trading debts with each other. The young princess didn’t say it as she hurried around his private chambers with M’Baku’s personal healer, but Zarah was closer to death than any of them imagined. Likely, they knew the Chief was already teetering on the edge of an emotional breakdown and didn’t need any help falling off. But truthfully, she wouldn’t have needed to voice that concern. M’Baku saw it … clouding her youthful face with a seriousness the 17 year old never usually had, even for someone who had seen too much for such a young age. He had seen his fair share of battles but nothing on the battlefield prepared him for the state he would find his wife in or how everything would play out.  _ So many regrets.  _

_ “They will call us if they need us, M’Baku. We just have to be patient,” T’Challa said, clad in his black panther suit while calmly sitting at the head of the Royal Talon. He was a complete juxtaposition to his anxiety-riddled friend who switched between seats on the Talon sporadically and when he wasn’t sitting, paced up and down the small ship frantically.  _

_ “I don’t understand how you remain so calm all the time. She is my wife. I should be down there, not stuck on this damn ship,” M'Baku ranted with a frustrated scowl on his face. _

_ “I am calm because I know this plan will work. This plan will work because we have the upper hand. The only thing we are fighting is time. And you are sitting on this damn ship because N’Danna doesn’t want anything to happen to you. He can’t risk your life while Lady Zarah’s hangs in the balance, which is a sound and wise choice. That is why he is your general yes? I am sitting here because you shouldn’t wait alone. The Jabari forces, Nakia and the Dora are more than capable.” T’Challa’s monotone voice signaled his annoyance at giving the same answer to the same question over and over since they boarded the Talon an hour ago.  _

_ M’Baku rolled his eyes and let out a disgruntled huff of air, mumbling under his breath that he could handle a few cavemen. He hated this. The waiting, the not knowing, the inability to control the outcomes and see that this plan went accordingly. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust N’Danna or the Dora Milaje. N’Danna was the best warrior and military strategist the tribe had. He had only seen the Dora in action a few times but he knew Okoye and that was enough for him. He just wanted to be there when they found her. He didn’t want to be told his wife was ok, he needed to see that for himself.  _

_ "Lord M’Baku,” T’Challa called to him. M’Baku covered the length of the Talon in two strides and made it to T’Challa’s side as a hologram of Okoye materialized above his wrist. _

_ “We have her and are bringing her to the entrance now. We need to take her to Shuri immediately.” _

_ M’Baku let out a strangled noise of relief and collapsed into a nearby seat. They had her. She was alive. _

_ “What of Davu? M’Baku asked he be apprehended alive.” The unspoken part of that request, which everyone understood when M’Baku gave the order, was not that Davu would be shown any mercy or be allowed to live long. But that M’Baku demanded the right to be the one to end his existence once and for all.  _

_ M’Baku, completely wrapped in the euphoria of his own happiness and relief, did not see Okoye’s eyes hardened or notice the long silence following her King’s question. T’Challa understood what that meant immediately: all had not gone according to plan. _

_ “Understood. We are bringing the Talon and can transport her back to the Lodge.” Shuri was already waiting, transforming the chief’s quarters into a personal healing room for the chieftess. _

_ When the ramp of the Talon touched the small cliff at the cave entrance, M’Baku anxiously rushed down himself after seeing the small human-sized bundle of fur in N’Danna’s waiting arms. He refused to wait a second longer to see his wife, he had been deprived for far too long. _

_ “Wait, M’Baku,” N’Danna called before he got too close, protectively shifting his little sister in his arms. “She is alive. But s-s-she is in bad shape. She looks…"  _

_ M’Baku nodded, his throat too tight and painful from holding in his emotions to let any words slip out. It didn’t matter how she looked as long as he had her back. _

_ N’Danna was right to warn him. If he hadn’t been explicitly told that she was alive… he would have lost it. Only her face and neck peeked through the furs wrapped around her, but that told a tragic story all on its own. He couldn’t see an inch that wasn’t covered in black and blue bruising or dark red and brown blood. He didn’t want to think about the horrors the rest of her body told. Her flawless mocha skin had been robbed of its red glow and warmth, replaced with a pale lifeless lookalike. Her lips were chapped and tinged blue. M’Baku’s brain forced his limbs to activate so he could press two fingers into her neck to find a pulse. Moments like this required extra assurances. He expelled a deep breath he didn’t realize he was holding in, feeling like he was breathing for the first time in two days, at the life weakly pumping through her veins. Barely alive was better than not at all. _

_ The relief he felt on the Talon was quickly extinguished and replaced by more distressing emotions. M’Baku wasn’t sure which he felt more prominently - the red hot fury ballooning inside him or the pain of his heart shattering at the physical evidence of what his wife was forced to endure. Both fed into each other, forcing the other to grow until there was no space in his body to feel anything else. _

_ "Where. Is. He?” M’Baku whispered lowly, rage simmering in his words. He couldn’t see or think straight, the only thought occupying his mind was ripping that man limb from limb. A trial - Davu did not deserve. A toss off Dead Man’s Peak - a death too quick and merciful for him. He didn’t deserve the Jabari way of justice, was not worthy of it. No, the only justice M’Baku could see, the only justice he would tolerate, was feeling the life leave Davu’s body with his own bare hands. He would relish in it, it would be his greatest honor. His wife may live but for every moment of suffering she felt, Davu would leave this Earth feeling it tenfold. _

_ N’Danna’s jaw clenched before he shook his head, shoved Zarah into M’Baku’s arms and said, “Leave him to us. Take her and go.” M’Baku seemed torn, wanting to be with his wife and kill the man who laid his hands on her. He couldn’t have both. _

_ “Take her and go, M’Baku. Now.” N’Danna didn’t care that he was giving his chief an order, something he wouldn’t dare do under normal circumstances. This wasn’t normal. Discipline and order meant little to him today. His sister needed assistance and that meant nothing else mattered, especially M’Baku’s pride. M’Baku nodded, frustrated but knew N’Danna understood what he expected. So, he adjusted his wife in his arms and reloaded the Talon, leaving N’Danna on the ground to oversee the rest. _

_ As the Talon zoomed toward the Lodge, M’Baku settled his unconscious wife’s body on the transportation bed in the middle of the ship. He started to undo the furs around her to get a good look at her himself, but he stopped. He couldn’t make himself look at her and see all her injuries just yet, especially not in front of the King. His fingers fiddled with her hair, which had fallen wild and loose around her head. He tore his eyes away from hers for a moment to be met with looks of frustration and anger on Okoye, Nakia and T’Challa’s faces. _

_ “What is wrong? Tell me,” M’Baku demanded. Everyone shared uncomfortable glances, as if trying to decide who was going to break the bad news to the Chief. _

_ “It seems Davu escaped,” T’Challa informed his friend, deciding he should be the one to break the news. After all, he was the only one who could physically withstand M’Baku’s wrath if it finally boiled over. _

_ “What?” M’Baku asked sharply. _

_ “He, and a group of others, escaped through some secret passageways we couldn’t account for,” Okoye said.  _

_ M’Baku punched the side of the ship several times as Okoye and Nakia launched into an explanation. They were able to disable the entrance guards and enter the compound without raising alarm but by the time they found Zarah and stabilized her, Davu had yet to be captured. They found a trap door in the same room as Zarah, Davu clearly choosing to escape and leave the dying chieftess in his wake. _

And that is how M’Baku ended up here six hours later with an unconscious wife and no justice to present her when she woke. He tried to sleep himself, one would think it would be easy after two days of no rest. But sleep was elusive, just beyond the grasp of his cluttered, overactive mind. His thoughts were too loud, too wild to allow room for the calm needed to rest. They were a tragic symphony of his guilt, his fear and his heartache. And it hadn’t stopped playing since this ordeal began. Before, it ebbed and flowed in the background, responding to the magnitude of his frustration. He expected the orchestra to finally cease, grant him a reprieve once she was safe and home. But instead, it only got worse, almost deafening in his ears as it reached its climax. Rather than feeling better, he felt worse when finally confronted with the consequences of his failures. He knew he should have gone to the caves with them.  _ I could have apprehended Davu myself… could have stopped him, _ he lamented. M'Baku experienced more failures in the last two days than in his entire life. It seemed unlikely that he would ever be able to make up for this, there wouldn’t be enough days in his lifetime to do so. He let her be taken, only found her on a fluke and then couldn’t apprehend the man who orchestrated her torture?

Universe: 10

M’Baku: 0

He desperately yearned for her to wake up and return to him. But he couldn’t deny that he feared Zarah wouldn’t forgive him when she did, that he would be added to the laundry list of people who failed her. He never wanted to be one of those people but now, he was the greatest offender of them all.

“M’Ba.. M’Baku?”

He snapped his head toward the bed to see Zarah attempting to push herself into a seated position. 

“Shit,” she hissed through her teeth as she struggled to sit up. 

“Slow down little one. Lie back down,” M'Baku whispered to her, placing a gentle but firm hold on her shoulders and settling her back onto the bed. Zarah looked around wildly, she didn’t understand. She was just in the caves and now she was home with M’Baku? She was tired of the missing pieces. 

“Relax, it is ok my love. You are home and you are safe,” M'Baku repeated a few times as he watched his wife struggle to get a grasp on reality. He watched panic, fear, realization and finally relief pass through her eyes as she made sense of it all. Once relief settled in her, she couldn’t help the tears that fell from her eyes or the strangled sob that escaped her lips.

M’Baku could almost see the weight lift off her body as her tears flowed. He wiped them away as they slid down her cheeks, not bothering to stop the ones that slid down his own face. However, soon he couldn’t resist the urge to sweep his wife into his arms.

“Sorry my love,” M’Baku whispered softly at the painful groan she let out at the movement. She shook her head, she didn’t need an apology. His arms were the only place she wanted to be, even if it hurts a little  a lot . She nuzzled her nose into the side of his neck and placed a few kisses there as she soaked up the warmth she was unjustly deprived of for days. 

“Hanuman… I missed you so much,” he said. 

“I missed you too,” she managed to say, her hand instinctively rubbing her throat as she attempted to push her overused and aching vocal cords. He hushed her quietly, silently directing her to rest her voice. Zarah’s lips curled up slightly at the normalcy of the moment, his hand cradling her head to his chest with his thumb rubbing circles into the kitchen of her hair; a position they had taken countless times before. Her eyes fell closed, contentment spreading through her, battling all the negative emotions she felt.

“N'Danna and the Panthers will be coming soon,” he informed. “Shuri has some alert set for when you woke up. She needs to check over your injuries.”

Zarah nodded, finally registering just how much pain she was in. She didn’t realize her body could be in such agony. She ran through her memories, trying to understand what happened to her to cause such pain but she couldn’t. The last full memory she had was that man beating her in the caves. Then… there was nothing except small pieces. Her memory had holes big enough to fit Wakanda in them. Moments stuck out… she remembered the sound of water dripping, remembered being strapped down with Davu standing above her and a blurry man’s face as they injected her with a needle. But the when, the what, the why? All the context that filled out the story that led to this moment? She knew none of it, it was all lost in her jumbled brain and she had no energy to attempt to locate it.

She appreciated the moment of alone time she was able to have with M’Baku, just to exist in his presence again. Being in his arms again felt like a hot drink after being in the frigid Jabari winter all day. After such suffering, it was needed. It was healing. Zarah was flailing in the ocean, alone and desperate to find something solid to grasp to stay afloat, to keep from drowning. M’Baku was her buoy. Her grip was not secure but it was there and that was more than she had before. Soon she would need to make the long journey back to real solid ground but until then, this would be enough.

A few minutes passed in silence, her eyes shifting from her husband’s face to their bedroom. Flashbacks quickly flooded her mind causing her body to tremble slightly. She could see the kidnapping playing in front of her as if it were being projected on a screen. She still taste the disgusting chemicals they drugged her with, still feel the fear that bubbled up inside her. M’Baku didn’t need enhanced abilities to register his wife’s rising panic, immediately attempting to soothe her with a gentle back rub.

“We can move to another room for a while or permanently. I will talk to T’Challa about visiting the Golden City. We could use a break from the mountains. I’m sorry, I should have realized being back here would be too much." 

Zarah desperately wanted to take him up on the offer. This room was nothing more than a hotbed of terrible memories to her now. It was no longer her safe haven, her respite from the outside world. Now… well she wasn’t sure what it was. Everywhere she looked - the sitting area where she was dragged across broken glass, the intricately wooden carved door where they choked her - all represented the moment her safety and security was ripped from under her. Her trauma mocked her mercilessly everywhere she looked. She didn’t want to stay here anymore, she couldn’t. But then she remembered tradition. These had been the chief’s quarters since the Lodge was built. Zarah may be able to leave temporarily but she would always have to come back.  _ Better get used to ignoring the triggers now instead of running away, _ she thought. 

"T-t-these are the Chief’s quarters, where they have lived for centuries so this is where we shall stay. It is tradition. And you hate visiting Birnin Zana, you complain every time we go. We will st-stay here.”

M’Baku frowned. “Little one, I would live in the Golden City for the rest of my days if it eased your heart. My comfort doesn’t matter right now.”

“It matters to me. We shall stay here as all chiefs and their spouses do. Don’t worry about it. Don’t worry about me.”

M’Baku scoffed. “Zarah… you can’t expect me not to be worried about you, I’m allowed to be worried after what happened. And you are allowed to not want to stay here anymore, regardless of what tradition dictates." 

"I said it was fine. Let it go please." 

It wasn’t fine. The despondent tone of her voice indicated that it was far from fine. The words sounded like a robot reciting the few words they were programmed to know. He knew he should push back but marriage was about picking your battles and this was not one of them. If it gave her a bit of control back to stay in this room, he would relent for now. Where they slept long term was a conversation that could wait. 

Both parties knew an emotional breakdown was inevitable and rapidly approaching the longer Zarah sat, stewing in the pieces she could remember and obsessing over the ones she couldn’t. She tried to keep it at bay by focusing on M’Baku but even that felt inadequate. She slid her hand down to his heart, feeling the steady pump of life through his frame. It reminded her of the countless nights she laid on his bare chest, the lullaby of his heartbeat helping her drift off to sleep. It had only been two days but that seemed like a lifetime ago. It felt like one of the legends she read in her books… a story of different people in a different era. She breathed in and out slowly attempting to sync her breath with his. It soothed her for a moment, inching her closer to the shore of normalcy.

M’Baku’s hands gripped around her to place her back bed and she squeezed his bicep to halt his movements.

"Can you hold me for a few more minutes?”

M’Baku’s already fractured heart split further at the sound of her voice: small, broken and quiet like a hurt child.

“Shuri will be here at any moment. She can’t examine you in my lap. You’ll be more comfortable in the bed.”

She shook her head with as much veracity as the pain would allow, still refusing to meet his gaze. 

“I won’t go anywhere. I’ll be right here… but you need to lie down.” He understood her fears but that didn’t stop his commanding tone from seeping into his words. It was a demand, a gentle one, but a demand nonetheless. She usually let him have his way but his will would not outmatch her stubbornness. 

“C-c-ca-can we just stay like this for a few more minutes, please?” Zarah begged, quiet and raspy. “I just… you don’t know how much I need this. You just don -” A few tears escaped and her voice broke as a small wave of emotions crashed over her. He held her tight again as she buried her face into his chest, light sobs racking through her. She just needed a minute, a minute to acknowledge her agony and trauma and then she could pull it back together. 

But a soft knock on the door interrupted her minute. She hastily wiped her eyes and swallowed her sobs as M’Baku called N’Danna and the Royal Family in. She pushed her emotions back into a cage, locking it, to deal with them later. She had to press forward and pulled herself together, recognizing that the time for tears was not in front of the king and the royal family. 

“Lady Zarah, Bast we are so thankful you are alright. Please know that you and M’Baku have our full support and any resources we can offer as you recover,” T’Challa announced as he, Nakia and Okoye stood by the fireplace.

“Thank you King T’Challa. That means a great deal,” she answered quietly. Zarah reluctantly loosened her death grip on M’Baku’s furs so he could place her back in bed. She tried but couldn’t stifled the outcry of pain that escaped as she moved. Her eyes shifted away from her audience, embarrassment spreading through her. He placed a lingering kiss to the top of her head that recognized how she felt but told her no one was judging, but that did nothing. She already hated that the Royal Family even knew this happened to her, let alone that they were her to witness her brokenness firsthand.  _ What must they think of me? How could they still respect me or see me as an equal after this? _

Shuri approached her and did a quick scan with her beads.

“You gave us quite the scare Lady Zarah. Your internal injuries are healing well. M’Baku didn’t want us pumping you with vibranium but to cycle the poison out of your system and heal your internal injuries, we had to use some. It is two low doses, they take longer but they heal all the same. I worked with your healer and we only used it on injuries he couldn’t heal himself. He left some pain medication you can use, you will need it. Otherwise, I can only really prescribe rest and time. We wanted to let you decide but we can also use a healing pod. You will be as good as new in an hour but we would need to go to my lab to do it. If not, there was no permanent damage so all of your injuries should heal in about 6 weeks. The concussion and ribs will take the longest.”

M’Baku let out a deep sigh of relief that none of Davu’s torture left irreversible damage to his wife’s physical health.

“I think the pain management is all we will need for now Shuri. Thank you,” Zarah answered quietly. Zarah loved working with Shuri and learning about vibranium but she was a Jabari. She still had her own reservations about using the substance in everyday life even though she was far more accepting of vibranium than most. Small tech was one thing, however, her strict Jabari beliefs on healing and vibranium definitely didn’t mix. Her body was strong, it carried her through the worst possible circumstances. Any injuries that could heal on their own would, she didn’t need to depend on anything else.

Shuri lifted her arm to inject her with her final dose of serum. As the needle broke through her skin, Zarah flinched away from her. It was painful, yes, but there was a familiarity of it. She suddenly found herself back in a dark, damp room. She knew it was the caves from the dark grey jagged walls of rock surrounding her. She looked around wildly, the room had no doors… no escape. The walls were closing in on her, the air slowly leaving the space. She clawed at her throat, gasping for air as if she could force her throat to take in more oxygen that it was. She couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t think as her racing heart beat loudly in her ears. The room was getting smaller and smaller, her breaths shorter causing her panic to grow.  _ I’m never getting out of here… there was never any esca- _

“Zarah! Za! It’s ok, relax you are ok!”

A voice jolted Zarah back to the present where she opened her eyes to find her husband sitting in front of her, his hands gently cupped her face.

“It’s alright my queen. Just take deep breaths for me, please. You are safe now, you are ok,” he kept repeating softly. He kept his voice even and tender, not wanting to exacerbate her panic.

She didn’t understand why he looked so concerned, she was just relieved to be free of that room. But then she heard it, the ragged gasps filling the space that were coming from her own body. Her hand weakly pushed into his heart again, trying to sync her breathing up with his. After slowing her breathing, she felt her lungs fill with enough oxygen to calm her body. She knew she was pushing herself too far too soon. But she couldn’t allow herself to break down, not yet. Her emotions were locked in a cage, constantly beating against their bars for freedom, growing restless to signal that they couldn’t be trapped forever.

“We should do this another time. She is not ready to talk about what happened,” M’Baku declared as he dabbed the sweat from her upper lip and forehead with a warm towel. “She needs to rest.”

“Understood. We can come back later to talk with Lady Zarah. The first concern is her well-being and mental health, of course,” T’Challa answered empathetically. He motioned for the rest of the group to gather their things.

_ Her mental health, _ something about it rubbed Zarah the wrong way. She didn’t need the King of Wakanda concerned about her mental health.

“NO!” She shouted, louder than originally intended. She grasped M’Baku’s hand by the wrist to halt his ministrations before saying, “I can speak for myself. I apologize - it was a minor flashback but I am fine. I will tell you what I remember.”

She could hear the shaking in her voice, it didn’t sound as confident as she wanted. But the message was the same.

“Are you sure? It is no trouble to come back when you feel stronger.” She could hear the sympathy in T’Challa’s voice, like he understood her desire to push through.

“Yes, I am sure,” she answered with increased conviction. Zarah refused to look at her brother and husband. She knew this wasn’t what they wanted. They wanted her to exist in her vulnerability and unleash her emotions. But Zarah knew if she fell apart now, there was little chance she would be able to put herself back together.

“Ok Lady Zarah. How much do you remember?” Okoye asked.

“Um…. not much. There are so many holes,” she prefaced before launching into a recap of the kidnapping. “And I woke up tied to a chair in the caves.” 

"Anything about what they did to you?” N’Danna asked. This wasn’t surprising. Shuri warned them that between her head injury and the trauma of the event, her memory was likely to be fractured at best. He didn’t expect her to give them anything useful but he knew his sister had a desire to push through. If she thought the expectation was that she offer them something useful, she would tell them anything she could remember. So, he opted to indulge her regardless.

“T-they had this man beat me for a bit. I must have blacked out. I don’t r-really remember how long that… a-a-and there was a cot they strapped me to, to inject me with something but I-I,” she ran her hand through her hair, shaking her head as if that would lodge the memories loose, “I just don’t remember much. It is all just pieces.” Her mind felt like pieces to a giant jigsaw puzzle but too many were missing to put the picture together.

“That’s quite alright, Zarah,” Nakia assured her. “Don’t push yourself. Your memories can come back over time.”

Zarah nodded. She hated this, hated not knowing what happened to her and not knowing why. She couldn’t stand not being able to help her husband put this situation to rest faster.

“Well, I can tell you what they injected you with… that may help jog your memory. It was ukufa okuhle,” Shuri informed.

Zarah looked at her with a mix of shock and horror. “T-t-that’s poison,” she stammered. “How a-am I alive?”

“I examined a vial of your blood and a syringe we found with you. We, of course, do not know who made this concoction for them. But whoever it was knew what they were doing. The dosage in the vial wasn’t enough to kill you. But it was enough to intensify your existing pain and keep you weak. Likely that was their intention, not to kill you. However, after several injections, the build up in your system was approaching lethal levels,” Shuri informed as she examined Zarah’s chart in the corner.

“So… Davu, h-h-he beat me and poisoned me? Did they do anything else? Did he…” Zarah voice grew small as it trailed off, unable to put her thoughts into the atmosphere. It wasn’t necessary, from the way M’Baku stiffened next to her and the tightened grip he had on her thigh, she knew everyone understood exactly what she was asking.

“No! No… there is no physical evidence that he did anything like that,” Shuri answered quickly.

Zarah nodded, feeling something liken to relief. One of the few things she did remember was the thinly veiled threat of sexual assault he lauded over her head initially. She was thankful to know he, at least, didn’t get the opportunity to fulfill that threat. But relief at escaping one atrocity didn’t erase the knowledge of the others. Beatings… poison. She knew the odds, she should have been dead. Her survival was a fluke and nothing more.  _ What did I do to defend myself? Did I try to escape? _ She interrogated herself. How could she have let this man do all of this to her? How did he get the opportunity? Why?

She wished she remembered more of her captor, wished she understood the reason for this chaos. After all, she had never even formally met him before this ordeal, only seeing him from a distance at M’Baku’s challenge day. Dead or alive, what use was Zarah to a man like him?

Her eyes shifted to the mountains outside her window, causing her to think about the mountains across the Lands he called home. They were cursed to her now, all the mountains across Jabariland. The mountains that once brought her peace transformed into the involuntary host of her kidnapping. The mountains that were the home to some of her most beautiful memories with her husband twisted into a barrier to hide her tortured screams and pleads for help beneath impenetrable walls of Earth. She knew she would never be able to look at those mountains or any of the Jabari ranges without thinking of all she lost, all that was taken from her. She walked away, some would reason that is all that matters, physically she would be fine in a manner of weeks. But that didn’t stop her from feeling like her soul was still trapped somewhere in those caves. He stole so much - her dignity, her sense of safety and security in her own home, her power. She wasn’t sure wasn’t sure what she escaped with. 

Zarah’s mental trip was not unnoticed by the group in her quarters. T’Challa was the first to break her out of the trance.

“Lady Zarah… do you remember something else?” he asked.

“Uh - No, no that is it.” She stammered as she wrung her hands together in her lap.

“Well, I have everything I need. With Lady Zarah’s account, we can legally hold them indefinitely. It will take some lengthy interrogations to determine who was a co conspirator and who were innocent bystanders.”

“Davu… did he say anything when you apprehended him?” Zarah asked quietly. Zarah, still hyper focused on the snow light falling outside the window, didn’t notice the silent conversation happening around her. Nobody wanted to break the news that Davu couldn’t say anything because he wasn’t in their custody.

“No, he didn’t,” M’Baku said, choosing to ignore the incredulous look N’Danna gave him. N’Danna pursed his lips before picking up his coat to exit. It wasn’t his place to out his chief and his lies, but he knew this wouldn’t end well. He stopped for a second and backtracked to the bed, leaning down and giving his sister a quick peck on the forehead.

“I am glad you are safe, sister. Hanuman knows, this one wouldn’t have survived without you.” He winked and smiled before exiting.

“We will wait outside until Shuri is done,” T’Challa said. “It is good to have you back with us Lady Zarah.” He repeated before they exited.

****

Two hours later, Zarah had the all clear from Shuri, fresh bandages and wrapping for her ribs, and a dose of pain medication so she could finally sleep. Shuri’s warning about the aftershocks typically associated with the drugs oscillated through her mind as M’Baku helped her out of the shower and dress for bed. And by help, that meant that Zarah stood there while M’Baku did everything. She felt like an invalid, unable to complete simple tasks like shower and dress herself. She hated it, how damaged she was. But mostly, she despised that M’Baku - her heart, her soul, her king - saw her this way.

Her shame grew tenfold when he pulled off her gown to help her into the shower, the evidence of her failure to defend herself laid bare before him. She knew what her body looked like to him - deformed and mutilated. She felt her guilt surge at the waves of anger in his eyes as they looked over every bruise and cut. He didn’t say anything about them as he helped her shower, washing her body for her. He kept his anger and emotions in check, every stroke of the loofa as he helped her was filled with gentleness and care. But still, Zarah felt it, even if he tried to hide it.

While Zarah considered his quietness to be indicative of his disgust with her appearance, M’Baku was simply using the time to finally evaluate his wife’s injuries for himself. He was pleased to see that the beautiful red glow of her skin was slowly making a reappearance. While that was progress, he was frustrated to see that the shaking in her body had yet to cease, reduced to a mere tremble. He asked Shuri about it and when they could expect that to stop but she didn’t know, only saying it would fade with time. The cut on her head was bandaged up with salve that would slowly heal it for her, the accompanying concussion would take more time.

He kissed his teeth, trying to control his rage as his visual survey continued south to her chest and stomach. Almost every inch was painted in blue and black bruises. Her back was filled with more of the same - rug burns, cuts and bruises. Lastly, he examined her wrists and ankles, which were similarly bandaged because her restraints cut into her skin deeply. M’Baku shook his head and breathed deeply, trying to release some of the anger he felt. A soft hand rested on his cheek.

“They look worse than they feel my love,” Zarah reassured him.

He nodded stiffly, not wanting to appear mad at her. He made quick work of drying her off before sitting her on bathroom counter.

“Stay here, I am going to go grab a shirt for you to sleep in,” he said before retreating to the closest. He came back quickly, dressing her in one of his undershirts before placing her back in bed.

“How do you feel?” He asked tentatively as he pulled the furs over her.

“Much better,” she responded truthfully. “Thank you my king.” He quickly laid on his side to wrap his arms around her. She shifted uncomfortably, this wasn’t their usual sleeping position. But laying on her back was the only position that didn’t send shooting pains through her chest.

“You aren’t tired of holding me yet my love?” She chuckled lightly, her eyes trained on his chest as she mindlessly played with the edges of his undershirt.

“I could never grow tired of holding you, my queen. Not while I draw breath.” He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead before allowing her to settle on his chest.

“You have not been taking care of yourself?” She murmured softly into his chest, punctuating the question with a soft kiss to his pectoral muscle. It was a question but they both already knew the answer. The toll of the last two days wore clearly on the chief’s face and Zarah noticed it the moment she saw him. His mocha eyes were red and sunken with dark circles. His beard had grown unruly and worry lines were etched across his youthful face.

“Aye, my only concern was finding you. As my only concern now is making sure you heal. I wouldn’t have been able to rest knowing you were in danger,” His fingers ran through her freshly-washed Senegalese twists as he spoke.

“I understand. I couldn’t rest without you either. I ju- I just don’t want you neglecting your health on my account. I am only one person but there is a whole tribe out there that need you at full strength. Promise me?”

M’Baku knew what his wife was doing; trying to gain some control back. His health was her favorite thing to obsess over. It annoyed him to no end but it was one of the many examples of how much she cared for her husband. 

“Yes, my lady. I promise. If you promise not to leave my aside ever again?”

“Not as long as I draw breath my lord.” She ignored her pain to sit up and kiss his lips before laying next to him again. He laid a soft kiss to the wrist that held her wedding bracelets and then her forehead, his nightly tradition, and draped his arm across her to pull her closer to him. They both knew a serious conversation was on the horizon - one that addressed the last two days and what it meant for their future and the tribe. But there would be time to talk, they would have hours, days to talk. All that was needed now was rest.

“Get some rest little one. I love you,” was the last thing she heard before exhaustion claimed her.

*********

M’Baku waited until he was confident his wife was fast asleep. The sleeping aid in her pain medication knocked her out completely. When she didn’t move or give any indication that she could be stirring, he slipped out of their shared bed and out of their room.

“Jahari,” M’Baku called quietly, letting his bedroom door shut softly before speaking again. The guard snapped at attention, saluting the chief and waiting for his instructions. “Stay here and watch over Lady Zarah. No one enters this room except me or N’Danna. No. One. For anything. Understand?”

“Yes my lord.”

“Good. Call me if she wakes. Kide, with me.” The guard nodded, shared a confused but determined look with his second in command before heading down the hall with M’Baku. The pair traveled through the Lodge, until they reached one of the spare storage spaces in the back corner, a former windowless office no one wanted or needed anymore. N’Danna was waiting with a hologram of King T’Challa.

Kide held the door to let M’Baku enter before starting to back out and close the door, intending to take his usual stance outside of the room.

“No, Kide! Inside. Right now, you three and Jahari are the only people I trust.” The only reason Jahari wasn’t in attendance was because he needed someone trustworthy to look over Zarah.

“My lord… what is this?” Kide asked, used to protecting the inner circle, not being included.

“This chaos lays at the feet of Davu. And he will pay for his crime with his life. However, he couldn’t have done it without help. He has been five steps ahead of us since this started. There is a traitor in this Lodge. Lady Zarah’s guard… the maintenance staff… we don’t know. But we need to find Davu and finding the people who helped him is the key. This investigation doesn’t leave this room. Understand?” N’Danna asked.

“And no one tells Lady Zarah. Not a word of this. As far as she and the tribe knows, Davu is rotting in a cell,” M’Baku informed.

“Lord M’Baku… you can’t expect to keep this from her forever. While she is still fragile is one thing, but what if we can’t find him? How long can you sustain such a secret?” T’Challa implored, understanding all too well the damage secrets bring.

“As long as it takes T’Challa. I refuse to tell my wife that I failed her again. I will tell her when I can bring her Davu’s head.”

His tone signaled the finality of the conversation, his mind was made up and his opinion would not yield. T’Challa didn’t press the issue further, opting to let it go. The three men sat down around their new war table, everything they had pertaining to Davu and the kidnapping projected on the screen or laid out before them. M’Baku refused to stop or rest until he found this man and ended his life. He didn’t care how long it took.

****

Davu wished for the caves, at least they brought them a sliver of a reprieve from the unforgiving winds and cold whipping through the mountains. Forced to abandon his home and all he built while freezing and racing through the woods at night - he was furious. 

“That giant idiot oaf of a chief,” he ranted. “A few more minutes… that’s all I needed to break her.” His plan failed… a plan that culminated his life’s work… all for nothing.  _ How could I have been so stupid to trust that deserter? _ He should have seen it from a mile away. They had spies in the Jabari after all… powerful ones. 

“There is one bright side to all of this, my Lord,” one of the men called.

Davu cut his eyes, trying to understand the bright side of failure, “What do you mean?”

“Your plan worked. You outsmarted him. They only found us because of a spy. You could have kept her for years and no one would have been the wiser. It’s not what you wanted exactly but a man like M’Baku? Stubborn, pride the size of the continent… K-knowing that he failed in finding his wife and let you escape? It will destroy him all the same. Slower than your spear yes, but it has the same results. As should be the fate of all who turn their backs on the glory of Hanuman.” 

Davu stilled, wheels churning in his mind as he reevaluated his expectations. 

“My lord?” Another called, confused by the break in their long march. 

Davu shook his head to himself and continued forward. “Let’s pick up the pace men. We must be there by sunrise.” 

He needed all the time he could get, all the counsel he could get to see his purpose and path through the storm ahead. 


	7. Chapter 7

Outwardly, life in the mountains slowly returned to normal after the storm and Davu’s attack. Everyone considered it to be yet another reminder that the Jabari always prevailed. 

However, for the inhabitants of the Great Lodge, they all knew the truth - things were far from normal. They all understood just how fickle life was - one minute everything is fine, then a storm barrels toward you with no warning and destroys everything in its path, and you are left to deal with the destruction it leaves behind. No one felt that strain more than Zarah. The storm had dissipated but she was stuck, standing in the middle of the wreckage of her life with no idea where to start. It wasn’t sustainable to stay that way, she knew that much. But she was beginning to wonder if anything this storm left behind could be salvaged. 

***

_ Zarah ran. She ran fast. She wanted to stop, she had been running for a while now. Her chest and side burned from cramps as she staggered her way through the forest. It was freezing and her heart and legs felt like they were going to give out, but she couldn’t stop running. Not now. She had to keep going. Every time she considered giving up, she repeated the same mantra in her head: _

_ “You can’t stop.” _

_ She cried out in pain as low branches whipped her arms and legs and she tumbled from tree to tree, trying to race toward safety. It didn’t matter how but she had to get as far away as possible. Frustration grew at the audible crunch and snaps of twigs and earth beneath her feet alerting her pursuer of her whereabouts and path through the forest. She could hear him barreling behind her, knew he was gaining on her. The pounding in her heart drowned out all the other sounds of the night. All she could hear was her own heart, her thundering footsteps, and his, the menacing drum beats in her race against death. _

_ Zarah yelled out as she tumbled down into bank of a small creek, landing just before the water. She ignored the dull ache in her tailbone at the rough landing, using the moment to catch her breath and wildly look around for her next move. The only clear path she could see was across the creek and up the other side. She hesitated. “There had to be another way.” It was the dead of winter, Zarah was in nothing but her nightgown. The thin material already doing next to nothing to stave off the harsh, freezing cold. It wasn’t until she heard rustling above her that she took her chances. There are worse ways to die, she thought. _

_ “You can’t stop.” _

_ Zarah splashed across the water, gasping at the unforgiving cold that seeped through her thin clothing. When she made it to the other side, her body screamed at her but she ignored its pleads for warmth. She pressed on, crouching low to avoid detection as she tried to ascend to higher ground. Once she felt safe to, she hid behind a tree to rest her aching body. _

_ “You can do this,” she told herself as tears streamed down her face and teeth chattering quietly. Safety wasn’t far. The Lodge wasn’t far. “He’s there. Safety is there.” Her body started shaking as the cold settled into her bones. “You have to keep moving.” _

_ “You can’t stop.” _

_ She tore herself from her temporary safe haven and continued running. She felt the winds pick up as she ran up what she prayed was Gorilla Mount. She tripped and fell into a nearby tree, another tear joining the others in her nightgown. But she didn’t care, as she pushed herself upright and came eye level with a series of carvings. Jabari symbols. She was on the right track. _

_ “You can’t stop.” _

_ She kept going, clutching her chest as the increasing altitude forced her to work harder. Her lungs felt like they were near collapse. It didn’t matter that she had been running for hours, she was willing to push her body to its breaking point. She decided her body was going to have to give out on its own before she stopped. She saw the statue of Hanuman peeking around the corner of the mountains. The gates weren’t far now, safety was finally within her grasp, she just had to push. She passed by the statue, knowing the gates were just one more corner aw- _

_ “AHHHHH” _

_ Zarah screamed as a rough hand wrapped around her arm and yanked her back. _

_ “You thought you could run from me bitch?” A rough gruff voice demanded in her ears. _

_ “Please don’t do this. I haven’t done anything. I don’t know you!” Zarah begged the man holding her fate, her future in his calloused hands.  _

_ “You will soon enough.” _

_ Zarah’s continuous begging was cut off by a hand curling around her neck. She struggled to fill her lungs with air, gasping and hands clawing at his to get him to release her. But he wouldn’t. Zarah felt the darkness creep on the corners of her vision as she tried to fight him off. But she couldn’t. _

_ “Zarah! Za!"  _

_ Zarah knew death was coming for her. She could hear Death calling her name, inviting her to come home and rest. She welcomed it at this point. She was so tired of running. She had been running for so long. She just begged it to come and collect her quickly. _

_ "Zarah! Wake up!” _

Zarah’s eyes sprang open, wildly looking around to understand where she was. She tried to move but she couldn’t. She pushed against the hands that were forcing her body deep into a soft mattress. Blanketed in darkness, she didn’t understand where she was. She was back in the caves, immobile and restricted. No longer a faceless man in the woods, she could see the enemy clear as day now. Davu’s arms painfully restrained her wrists as he started to straddle her bruised body. “No! Get off me! Stop!" 

She thrashed against him, attempting to buck him off of her. She wouldn’t let him do this, wouldn’t let him hurt her ever again. 

"Zarah, stop! It’s just me, babe! Calm down,” M’Baku yelled at her frantically, trying to break through her thoughts and calm her. The only thing holding her down was her husband, who used his body to restrain her limbs during her nightmare so she wouldn’t hurt herself. He waited with bated breath, eyes filled with trepidation and some unshed tears for his wife’s mind to finally catch up with her physical reality. It took several minutes for his calls to break through her traumatized psyche and convince her he didn’t pose a danger to her. Once her body calmed and he saw the terror start to leave her eyes, M’Baku loosened his grip on her arms and lifted his body off of hers to settle on his knees in front of her.

She couldn’t hear anything M’Baku said as she tried to calm herself. Her mind wasn’t even truly with him. All she could see was visions of her bruised body being choked in her nightmare and the flashback of Davu. She grabbed her head and pulled it in-between her knees as she tried to practice the deep breathing exercising their healer recommended but those images were etched into her mind. She quickly registered the churning, nauseating feeling in her belly and the wetting of her mouth as her body prepared to throw up. Zarah pushed M’Baku out her way and tumbled off the bed in her haste to make it to the toilet or any receptacle. She barely made it. She started heaving as her body tried to rid itself of any and all its contents, not even noticing M’Baku’s presence until a warm wet towel dapped her forehead and started moving down her face.

She briefly leaned into his touch, appreciating the gentleness after the rough sickness that ran through her body.

“Are you alright?” he asked softly, his voice still deep and raspy from sleeping. He sounded exhausted and here she was bothering him… again.

“Go back to sleep M'Baku. I will be fine,” she murmured as she tried to lean on the toilet and lift herself up. She heard a soft tsk from her husband as the attempt failed and she collapsed back down to the ground.

“Zarah please, I will not go rest while you are hurting like this. Let me help you,” he insisted gently as he slid his arms under her soft body and picked her up. He placed her on the counter and gathered her toothbrush and toothpaste.

“You do this and I will get you some new clothes to rest in. You are soaked.”

He returned with one of his t-shirts, remembering that she preferred to sleep in his clothes, and waited for her to finish brushing her teeth. 

“Here, let me help you put this on.” He picked her up and placed one arm around her waist to stabilize her while she slid the thin straps of her nightgown off and he pulled the shirt over her head. 

“There, all better. How do you feel?”

“Fine, thank you. I don’t know what came over me.” Zarah’s head fell into his chest, his chin resting on hers, and they just stood for a moment. One of his arms was snaked tightly around her waist, holding her close, while the other rubbed soothing circles into her bicep. She wanted to stay like this forever, cocooned in the sanctuary of his arms, the only place pain and violence would never befall her. For a brief moment, it all faded - her shame, her guilt, her physical agony. She was drawn back to a time when the intimacy and peace they shared outshined all the painful emotions filling her.  _ How times change. _

He placed a soft kiss to her temple before picking her up and settling her back in bed again.

“Do you want to tell me what the dream was?”

“I-I don’t remember it. The dreams are foolish, anyway. I shouldn’t be bothering you with them. Let’s just go back to sleep yes?" 

It was a lie; she remembered every second. She had a similar dream every night of running away from a faceless man. The only thing that changed was the setting: the Lodge, a forest in Greater Wakanda, Jabariland, the caves. The setting was irrelevant, the subject matter was always the same. Safety was always within her grasp. It was so close that relief would start to wrap her in a warm embrace, only for that same relief to be ripped away again to leave her cold and vulnerable. She almost wondered if it was a premonition of some sort. Like her body was just waiting and preparing her for the moment when the safety and security she regained would be stolen from her once more. 

"Mnandi… th-this is not a bother. You, your feelings, your fears are important to me. You can tell me anything, understand?”

Zarah didn’t acknowledge his question and he didn’t push for an answer. She didn’t have the energy to offer him her usual line that said she understood and would try harder to open up in the future. She just wanted the conversation to end. She heard a deep sigh escape him before he wrapped his arms around her and settled to rest for the night. Unlike him, Zarah had no intentions of sleeping but she laid there as still and relaxed as she could to give the impression that she was attempting to rest.

She just wanted things to go back to the way they were. It had been four days since she returned home. Four days of her husband’s eyes following her every movement, watching her like a hawk and acting as more of her healer than her husband. Four days of seeing his smile turn into a frown and something likened to irritation or anger pass over his eyes at every wince, outcry of pain or tear. Four days of isolating herself in her quarters so no unnecessary people would see her broken body. Four days of waking herself and her husband up with screams from vivid, terrifying nightmares. Four days of slow but steady improvements to her physical health while her emotional well-being took a nosedive. 

Zarah craved the opportunity to just be vulnerable. She wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball on her husband’s chest and cry, let go of all the pain and agony she felt, mourn the part of her that died in that cave, and unleash her fury at the man who caused all of it. It would be cathartic, to unleash all the negative emotions that consistently beat against her chest for release. 

But something always stopped her, limited her ability to actually do all those things. And that was her pride. She refused to look weak so another person could swoop in and attempt to destroy her. She refused to let her husband see her like that ever again: damaged and powerless. He had to see the physical manifestation of her weakness, the injuries she couldn’t hide from him. But she didn’t need to make her deep emotional wounds visible as well. 

_ You were weak and powerless in those caves. If you hadn’t been, if you had fought back and protected yourself, none of this would have happened. But you will never be that again. You will be stronger,  _ she told herself. There was no strength in vulnerability, no one would praise her for breaking down, there was nothing to gain from falling apart. But there was strength in moving forward, reclaiming her power now and proving that she could never be bent or broken. She was the Lady of the Jabari for Hanuman’s sake, she was no one’s victim.

In that moment, Zarah made a decision. She would move on from this. She was safe and no one would harm her ever again. She wouldn’t let anyone do so again. This situation was done and so were her days mourning what she lost. That meant, when they woke up tomorrow, she and M’Baku would go to work. She would visit her lab and get caught up on what projects needed her attention and approval. She would schedule a meeting with her staff to see what duties as chieftess she needed to catch up on. She would settle back into her life, start working on that future she and M’Baku still needed to build together and put this unfortunate situation behind her. All the guilt, shame and trauma she was feeling, she would no longer give it fuel and power to hold her back.

Zarah shifted to her side and eyed a bottle of sleeping pills Shuri left behind. The young girl insisted she have the bottle, even though Zarah told her she wouldn’t depend on vibranium-based drugs to feel better. However, after Shuri told her that these were the only way she slept after being consumed with nightmares of her father’s fatal explosion and T’Challa’s “death,” Zarah let her leave the bottle.  _ Just in case. _ These were one step, at least one way to stop looking as fragile as she did right now. She gently shifted as to not disturb the slumbering giant by her side and popped one in her mouth. 

_ Tomorrow, you will be you again. You will be strong again, _ Zarah told herself, before falling back into a restful sleep.

****

When M’Baku woke up the next morning, he immediately noticed the lack of warmth nestled beside him. He shot up, wildly looking around, fear taking hold quickly. But before he could sound the alarm for his missing wife, she emerged from their shared closet, pulling one of his sweaters. 

“Good morning,” she chirped, offering him a small smile as she sat down at her vanity mirror. M’Baku tilted his head in confusion at her cheerful disposition and her attire. She was dressed in something other than pajamas, something she hadn’t done in four days. She gently took off the bandage on her forehead and examined it intently before applying a new one and healing ointment to the bruising on her face. He watched her layer on make up, taking extra time to hide the bags under her eyes. 

“Um… Good morning. Are you going somewhere?" 

"Yes, I am going to go down to the labs for at least half the day. I was checking in on the work I missed with the new beads Shuri sent along and I am so behind. And then I thought I would go to my office and get caught up on tribal duties. Is that alright? I figured you needed to return to work as well. I know you have mountains of work to attend to.”

He was surprised. First, she hadn’t even mentioned the nightmare last night, which was the worst to date. And while both of their work was piling up, he wasn’t bothered by it. “Are you sure? Shuri said you should take at least a week. The cut on your head is barely closed, your ribs are still healing.”

She rolled her eyes. “Thank you husband. I am well aware of my litany of injuries. I am, unfortunately, reminded of them every minute of my current existence.” Even as she spoke, she was forced to ignore the dull but constant pain in her ribs that accompanied every breath she took. “But we both need to return to our duties to the tribe. We can’t neglect our people.”

His head thudded back onto their headboard, internally debating. He didn’t like this. She was still in intense pain and on emotional shaky ground. He was concerned about her mental health and didn’t want her pushing herself too far physically either. But even he couldn’t deny that ignoring his job for a week through the lifetime of this ordeal left him multiple mountains worth of work to catch up on. He could take a few hours to at least make a small dent in it.

“Fine, little one. You are right. But I will be checking on you every hour. Make sure you take breaks and if you don’t feel well, come back here. Understand?”

She nodded, “Understood.” She rounded their bed and placed a quick kiss on his lips before heading toward the door. Instinctively, she reached for the mounted stand that usually held her and M’Baku’s knobkerries, her hand grabbing nothing but air before she remembered hers was gone. Her hand fell beside her and her heart rate picked up as she realized she didn’t have any protection. She stood aimlessly for a moment, not knowing what to do before she darted quickly toward their closet. She emerged moments later with the smaller extra knobkerrie, one her husband used for carving and the same one she failed to reach in time to save herself. Her fingers tightened around it before she scurried out of the door, refusing to look at M’Baku and give him a chance to say anything. 

***

It didn’t take long for Zarah to realize that M’Baku was right - she was not physically strong enough to be at work. She stopped by the lab first, intending to give final approval to two projects that were now behind schedule thanks to her absence. 

However, as she sat at her desk examining blueprints for a new training facility and upgrades to the mountains’ bridges, she realized she didn’t have the concentration or mental capacity for any of it. The page just looked like jumbled shapes with no rhyme or reason. The longer she stared, willing her supposed genius to kick in and remind her all she knew of civil engineering, the more her pounding headache grew and her vision blurred. 

Her staff could tell she wasn’t fit to be back in the lab, sensing her growing irritation at the piece of paper as her grumbling got louder and her writing  and subsequent erasing became more aggressive. After 2 hours of praying that the knowledge would simply jump out of her head and onto the page like magic, she apologized to the team and told them she would try again tomorrow. She tried to shake off the nagging feeling of inadequacy that followed her upstairs to her actual office but it stuck to her like glue. 

Things didn’t improve at her other job. Her staff fawned over her, continuously popping in to her office to ask if she needed water, food, rest or to get M’Baku. She could see and hear the thinly-veiled pity in their actions and words, could tell they all knew she wasn’t functioning at 100 percent like her usual self. She wondered if someone on the engineering team sent a message to them, letting them know that she couldn’t function.  _ Now the whole staff knows you can’t do your job correctly. _ Still, she pushed her paranoid thoughts down and kept pressing forward, determined to give it her all. 

She tried to spend part of her time reviewing her calendar, dealing with the host of postponed or cancelled meetings that now needed to be rescheduled. But her attempts at work was consistently interrupted by friends and councilmembers wanting to see that she was ok. She plastered a smile on her face at each person who interrupted her day. Then she offered them all slight variations of the same narrative: she was fine, Davu was nothing more than a fanatic who will lose his life, her husband and brother were heroes to the tribe and the Jabari were strong. All forced words meant to comfort and assure them more than anything, because that was what was expected of her. 

Shortly after lunch and a tense visit with her parents, she had enough of it. The visit started out pleasant but it quickly transformed into an interrogation, her parents demanding to know every detail of the kidnapping and attack. Zarah had told the story once, she didn’t plan on telling it again if it wasn’t before the council at Davu’s trial. True to his warrior roots, her father wanted a play by play of her attempts to defend herself and escape. Surely she did right as daughter of the great warrior leader, Elder Amari? But she informed him, to his dismay and her guilt, that she didn’t remember but all signs pointed to her doing little to nothing to save herself. Her mother wanted to know what exactly Davu did to her with a not-so-subtle ask about whether her “virtue was still intact.” Zarah bristled at the question but she quickly told her yes, ending that portion of the conversation quickly. 

She was frustrated by their tone, the implications behind their questions and their lack of genuine concern for her, but she swallowed her frustrations with them like always. But after her mother suggested that this “unfortunate ordeal” made Zarah look fragile, weakened her position as chieftess and would push M’Baku away, she politely told them that she was not feeling well and needed to return to her chambers. Some of those thoughts oscillated through her head daily, she didn’t need them thrown back at her by her parents. And M’Baku wasn’t like that. He already said she wasn’t a bother to him, he wouldn’t cast her aside for this. Right?

She didn’t have the energy to entertain anymore visits and pretend to be productive when everyone knew she wasn’t getting anything done, or stomp down the tides of irritation that were rising inside her at her own inability to do her job.  _ This was just as bad as sitting in our room stewing _ , she thought to herself.  _ At least there, I can be alone. _ She said goodbye to her staff, quickly retreating to her room that promised the rest and privacy she craved.

*****

M’Baku’s day was not faring much better than his wife’s. He was completely overwhelmed. He had reports, statements from the imprisoned cult members, paperwork from the Golden City and regular Jabari work piling up from his absence. He certainly didn’t regret it - he would take a month off if Zarah needed it but he didn’t realize how much work Davu’s schemes would cause him. 

He couldn’t even start most of it because he spent most of his time fielding visits from members of the council, who stopped by his office after visiting Zarah’s. Calls to “destroy the lot of fanatics” with speedy trials and executions were all he heard. And while he couldn’t wait to execute Davu, that couldn’t happen until he found him. But thankfully, N’Danna was steps ahead of him and messaged him in the afternoon for a meeting in their secret office.

He met N’Danna halfway on his journey to the meeting spot.

“You look like hell brother,” N’Danna commented as they walked, Kide trailing closely behind, Jahari still on “Zarah duty.”

“I feel like it too. I saw your parents today.”

“Yes, I heard they made their rounds this morning. I stopped by Zarah’s office earlier to check on her and her assistant said she came down with a ‘sudden illness’ 10 minutes into their visit. Hanuman only knows what they said to her, nothing good I am sure. They wouldn’t know comfort if it turned into a panther and mauled them.”

M’Baku sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I will have to ask her about it tonight. I knew going to the office today was a bad idea. She is… she is still struggling. I know how badly she wants things to return to normal, I just wish she would take it easy. I can usually get through to her but she has completely shut down, pretending this didn’t happen. You know she has barely even cried since that first night? Holding all that in can’t be healthy right? I am not sure how to get through to her.”

They turned another corner, nodding at passing staff as N’Danna replied, “Did you really expect anything different? Hanuman knows I adore my sister but vulnerability is not her strength. When has she ever been open and honest about her feelings without it being forced out of her? It is not her way. All traumatic events come with a level of guilt and shame. There is no way she doesn’t blame herself for this, hasn’t already convinced herself that she caused this and failed you by letting it happen. Couple that with her overachieving personality and her insane expectations of being the perfect chieftess for you… well, it is a dangerous combination. She is processing this as well as can be expected. I know my sister… it is unfortunate but she will hold her emotions in until she is ready or until they burst out on their own. Just be there and ready for either of those moments.”

M’Baku nodded, “I will. I just hate that she considers herself a failure at all. I mean, when have I ever made her feel as though she could ever disappointment me?" 

M’Baku made it no secret that his wife’s hang ups frustrated him to no end. Not at her of course, but at the people who modeled her to believe so lowly of herself. But he understood. When people treat you as if you are always one mistake, one failure away from losing their affection, you begin to believe everyone’s love is conditional. It turns you into a person so obsessed with being perfect to maintain that love and favor. In Zarah’s world, failing was truly never an option so she was never off her game and never took a break because if she fell down on the job just once, she feared she would risk losing the people she cared about. She acted like it never bothered her to overextended herself for people. But M’Baku saw the toll it took. He saw the emotions she pushed down and ignored to be everything to everyone without asking for support for herself to avoid seeming needy. M’Baku tried, in their short marriage, to tug her out of that mentality by giving her free reign as chieftess, normalizing mistakes, supporting her ambitions and ideas, and putting her needs front and center. But now he worried he hadn’t done enough.

"Oh come on M’Baku, you know it’s not you. If anyone is to blame, it is our parents. The pressure, expectations and criticisms they heaped on her were too much and she projects that onto everyone else. She tries to break free of it but old habits die hard. Just be there for her. Assure her that you aren’t going anywhere - I am sure that will go a long way.”

M’Baku nodded as Kide closed the door to their second office and called T’Challa.

“How did the interrogations fare General N’Danna?” T’Challa asked. At first, he was reluctant to be involved in this secret manhunt. But after Shuri told him that it might be ‘fun’ to finally be involved in drama that doesn’t concern or murder him, he agreed. Things were relatively boring in the Golden City anyway so he had the time. 

“Excellent, which is why I called this meeting. We finally have a lead. First, we captured the two missing maintenance workers sneaking back into Jabariland last night. They were trying to get into Dweller territory but we have men stationed there. Thank god we did or they would have passed undetected.”

“I thought they were presumed dead?” Kide asked, both men’s homes were destroyed and the other staff members swore the men were loyal to the throne. 

“All signs pointed to that. However, it only took an hour of interrogations and the threat of execution to get them to talk. When given the choice of Davu or them, they chose themselves.” N’Danna pulled up pictures of the two men and notes from his meetings with them. “They became disillusioned after the tribe rejoined Wakanda, citing their displeasure at our new interest in vibranium and partnership with the Panthers. They planned to abandon the tribe and join the Cave Dwellers. They said they only met Davu twice, both times in the woods. There is no record of that conversation or even proof the meetings happened. But they claim the only way he would let them join was if they did something to prove themselves. 

"Help him steal the throne?” T’Challa interjected. 

“Exactly. When they realized the storm was on the way, one of them broke into your room and damaged that pipe causing the burst. They gave men their uniforms, access to the Lodge and put in the request to complete the work the night of the storm.”

“And they gave them the information about the guard? The idea for the fire?” Kide asked.

“They worked with the two men who set the fire but it wasn’t their idea. They just said Davu already had a plan for drawing M’Baku out. They just had to alert them of when to start the fire.” Kide’s face scrunched up in confusion but he kept silent. “While all of our forces were searching for her, they escaped down the mountains and were to return within a week. That is how long Davu claimed it would take to offer the ransom and get you to give up the throne. They only returned because they didn’t realize the plan fell through.”

“Did they say how long Davu had been planning this?” T’Challa asked.

“Over a year. Several of the Dwellers flipped on him too - they agree with his message but felt he went too far with this. One said he had been trying to figure out a plan to steal the throne since he lost the challenge. Zarah and the workers just presented the right opportunity and timing.”

M’Baku’s fists clenched as he tried to control his anger.

“This is a good thing, Brother. Believe me.”

Fury flashed across his eyes, “Treason is a good thing?”

“Treason from two maintenance workers is a good thing. Certainly better than treason and mutiny within the Royal guard, which was the alternative. We interviewed everyone in this lodge. Loyalty for the Jabari, you and Lady Zarah run deep in this palace and around the tribe. Two dissenters are no match to that. This is the best outcome we could have hoped for. Their trials will be set before the council and they will be executed for treason.”

M’Baku nodded. N’Danna was right but they didn’t limit his frustration. 

“So this is good. We have a missing piece. Could they offer any insight to Davu’s whereabouts?” T’Challa asked.

“They couldn’t. They didn’t know him well enough and they weren’t members yet - Davu wouldn’t discuss escape plans with them. He didn’t discuss them with anyone we captured actually. Apparently his most faithful members fled with him. They could only give us their best assumption at where he went.”

“Where?”

“The Temple of the White Gorilla.”

“Why would he go there?” Kide asked. “Nobody goes there but priests. Also they aren’t allowed. It’s in our lands.”

“One of them said that Davu talked about it a lot. It makes sense. It is the birthplace of Hanuman, what spot could bring you closer to him? They said he always believed it would be his first act as chief, to rebuild it in the image of Hanuman and with it, the tribe as a whole. It is a smart move, we can’t spill blood there so it would be the safest spot in all of Wakanda for him.”

The Temple sat on the farthest edge of Jabari territory. It was a sacred spot, the reason the first Jabari worship Hanuman instead of Bast like most Wakandans. The legend says the temple was the slumbering spot of the Great White Gorilla, a physical manifestation of Hanuman. When the first Jabari decide to settle in the mountains, they encountered the Gorilla at that spot. He guarded them, protected them and in return, they vowed to worship him until the end of their days. To honor him, they erected a temple around the spot. However, the journey to the temple was long and arduous. Most didn’t venture there, except those with a direct spiritual connection with the Gorilla God. 

“I already sent a group of my most skilled warriors to the temple. King T’Challa lent our men a ship. We can’t use it to get the entire way, we don’t want them to see or hear it. They won’t expect anyone by foot. They will be there in the next two hours.”

“Good. No mistakes this time. Let me know when you have him in custody. I should go back to Zarah.” He paused. “Oh, before I forget, I suppose we can let Kasim and Mosi back on Zarah duty.”

Kide couldn’t hide the scowl that appeared on his face at the suggestion. 

“You disagree Kide?” N’Danna asked. Technically, Kide reported to him but he chose to defer to the warrior on matters of the guard. He knew them better than he did. 

Kide chose his words carefully, all he had was a hunch and he wouldn’t risk someone or his own life over it. Better to air on the side of caution until he had proof. “Kasim and Mosi are dedicated warriors my lord and General. They have been yearning to return to duty. However, I do worry about their physical ability to watch over Lady Zarah as they both suffered from severe head injuries. Perhaps we should wait until Davu is captured? We wouldn’t want him to get wind of a potential gap in her security, should he try to harm her again.”

N’Danna shared a knowing glance with M’Baku. It was no secret among those in the Lodge that Kide and Kasim hated each other. They tolerated each other, merely for the protection of M’Baku and Zarah but there was no friendship or brotherly love there. Kasim was Kide’s only real competition during training, both vying for Head of the Kingsguard. Despite his equally prominent position as head of the Queensguard, some would say that Kasim hasn’t stopped vying for Kide’s position since. N’Danna also knew that Kide blamed them for this ordeal, felt that this would have never transpired on his watch and casted doubt on their story. N’Danna ignored it, both men’s accounts checked out. They were ambushed, that could have happened to anyone. Besides, loyalty among the guard was absolute. No one would dare betray M’Baku. 

But still, Kide highlighted a good point, even if it seemed shrouded with selfish intentions. “Understood. Jahari will remain on Zarah duty until Davu is killed or captured  _ and _ they have been cleared by healers. That is all. I will update everyone tonight.”

****

Davu’s disgust for the Jabari had grown tenfold in the last few days, and he hadn’t believed it possible. They had been at the Temple for two days and not one member of the tribe had come and found them.

He was certainly happy to be safe, even just temporarily, but how could they call themselves followers of the Great Gorilla God when they didn’t even visit his sacred temple? His birth place? He was cemented in his ideas as he prayed: the Jabari had gone astray and someone had to lead them back into the light.

He sat on his knees before the statue of Hanuman, praying fervently, asking his lord for guidance to lead his small band of brothers through the storm that was pursuing them. He couldn’t hope to see his way through this alone, he needed help, he needed -

“My lord,” one of his men called. Davu’s eyes clenched shut, his hands balling into fists.

“How many times do I have to say not to interrupt me during my prayers?”

He bowed, “My apologies, my lord. The men worry that we cannot stay here for long.”

Davu stood, dusting his robes off before rejoining the group of ten faithful servants he escaped with. They were huddled together for warmth, a small fire just outside the temple brewing. 

“This is the safest place to be,” Davu explained. “We have been here for days and not one Jabari has come to call.”

“Yes, but you talked about this temple, this spot many times. It only takes one Dweller to mention it before we have an army on our heels. If this is what Hanuman wills, then we shall obey but we are worried. Maybe we should pray on it and ask for a sign?” All the men looked at him expectantly.

“U-uhh. Yes! An excellent idea. I will seek his guidance before we make any decisions. Leave me.” The man bowed before joining the rest outside the temple.

Davu hurried back inside, thankful to escape the expectant stares of his men. He would pray no doubt, but he wasn’t sure if he would get the answers he sought, or any answers at all. Davu flaunted an extremely deep and personal relationship with Hanuman to his followers, one most of them could only hope to obtain. It is why so many of them were willing to follow him into flames and destruction, because he was being lead by Hanuman.

For as long as he could remember, Hanuman called out to him in some fashion every day, through his dreams or his prayers. How could he admit to his servants that his connection with Hanuman had been frustratingly cold since he escaped the compound? He prayed but received no counsel. He dreamed but the Great Gorilla refused to visit him. He cried out but there seemed to be no response to his anguish.

For the first time, he felt lost and like his faith wasn’t on solid ground. He had believed there was still a way out of all this. It would just take longer and require a bit of cunning to stay alive to find the exit. And with it, he had faith that he could finally go back, reunite with his tribe and prove to everyone that he was more than a fanatic… that he was right all along. Deep down, that was all he really wanted anyway. But he needed assurances that it would still work and he wasn’t getting it. 

_ I am following your commands,  _ he prayed.  _ So why have you forgotten me?  _

****

M’Baku quietly walked back into his quarters, excitement building at the idea that they could have Davu in custody before nightfall. They could finally put an end to this madness. He walked into his room and found his chieftess asleep, clutching her knobkerrie so tightly that it looked painful. His heart sank a little as he looked at her, the terrors and pain afflicting her dreams etched clearly across her face. He walked to the bed, sitting down gently down to avoid disturbing her.

He laid down and watched her sleep for a minute. When her restlessness started to grow, he determined that she didn’t need a repeat of the last few nights when she screamed herself awake. So, he placed a hand on her shoulder and gently shook her awake.

Zarah jolted up at the weight of someone’s hand on her body and immediately raised her knobkerrie to attack an unknown enemy… her husband, who sported a look of shock and slight amusement. She let out a shaky laugh.

“M’Baku, my love, you scared me.” she exclaimed. She lowered the weapon, which shook slightly in her hand. She paused briefly, clenching her eyes closed and placing a palm to her head as a dizzy spell came over her from sitting up so suddenly. The effects of this concussion were growing old fast.“I am sorry, I thought you were an intruder.”

M’Baku let out a small chuckle, noting her swollen and red eyes, “It’s alright, it looked like you were having a nightmare so I wanted to wake you up.”

“Oh… no, I was fine,” she lied effortlessly. No matter how peaceful her dreams started, Davu always appeared to cloak them in horror. 

“You are still pretty sharp with that knobkerrie eh?” He joked after a few minutes, hoping to ease her into a serious conversation with something lighthearted.

“Still not as good as you.. Or N'Danna,” she chuckled. He noticed a dark cloud pass through her eyes and she fiddled with the weapon. “It isn’t my old one though… it feels foreign.”

“I know… it’s not the same. But we can get you a new one made when you have healed. Maybe I could carve it for you, if you would like.”

A small smile spread across her face. Nothing would replace the one she had but a hand-carved weapon from her husband seemed just as special. Her nails feathered his forearm, “Yea I would like that, thank you my king." 

He grasped her chin gently and kissed her on the cheek, avoiding the tender spots and bruises. "There’s that smile I love. It is small but still manages to brighten my days.”

He sat down next to her and stared at her for a few minutes. She anxiously switched the weapon between her hands to have something to do while she waited for him to speak. 

“Csan we talk for a minute?”

“Of course.”

He moved to position himself directly in front of her. “Well, I just…” he faltered slightly before continuing. “I know you feel like you have to always be on and strong as chieftess. But you went through something unthinkable and I just want to make sure you are giving yourself time to process that before trying to go back to business as usual. I don’t care how long that process takes, I am with you until the end of my days.”

Her fingers grazed light patterns into his arm as she answered, “M’Baku, thank you but I am processing this. There isn’t much to process to be honest. I don’t even remember anything. I am alright, really. Just grateful to be alive and with you." 

She could see his face scrunch up as he took in her words. "You have been having nightmares, you are scared to in our room alone, I can tell you are crying when I am not around,” he gestured at the evidence still on her face. She tried to turn away from him, angry at being called out for her defense mechanisms, but he slightly tightened his grip on her chin to keep her eyes on him. “I may not be a genius like you my love but I am not stupid. Even N'Danna is worried about you. You don’t have to hold all this in or deal with it yourself. I am just saying I am here for you when you are ready to let me be. That is all.”

Zarah couldn’t think of what to say without her emotions betraying her so she opted for a soft kiss on the lips. She pulled back for a moment, then kissed him again, quickly pulling herself to her knees and straddling his legs. His hands grabbed her waist like magnets.

The kiss started out timid but soon M’Baku could feel the desperation, the need his wife had as it became aggressive and frantic. Her hands snaked around his neck to the back of his head, pulling him closer to her.

“Babe… stop,” he gripped her arms and pulled her off of him suddenly, causing her to groan. “We can’t do this”

“Why not?” Exasperation filled her voice. Zarah refused to give up. Logic was no longer factoring in her decisions. She wasn’t sure if this was the best decision but she needed to feel like herself again and this was the closest way to get there. She recaptured his lips and grinded her hips into his, awakening his manhood beneath her. Her fingertips feathered his chest as they made their journey south to reach for him.

His calloused fingers enclosed hers before they could reach their desired destination beyond the waistband of his boxers.

“I want this but I’m not going to take advantage of you when you are in this state. You are supposed to be resting. I can’t do this.” The look in his eyes signified that this was the final word.

“M-M’Baku… please. I am fine. I want this. I want you,” she begged in a small voice. Usually, that voice would have been his kryptonite, that voice beckoned him to give the small woman before him the world and he was usually gave in without hesitation. But not today, not like this. So he held firm, one of his harder decisions. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to make love to her, he did. He always did and this was certainly their longest stint without physical intimacy. But she was emotionally compromised, even if she didn’t want to admit it to herself. What kind of man would he be to take advantage of her in such a state? And, he couldn’t deny that the sight of her bruises still filled him with rage. At Davu, at the world and at himself. And once he started thinking of him, his thoughts of failure and inadequacy flared. He wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself or give her the intimacy and care she deserved if his mind was occupied with obsessions over his own failures. 

However, Zarah was no mind reader and didn’t understand the thoughts whirling through her husband’s head. So all she heard was his rejection. Cold and sharp. It was a blow, no doubt. She never knew a world in which she had to beg M’Baku, a man whose sexual appetite was never sated, to be intimate. Before  _ him _ , she never had to convince her husband to give her the physical affection she craved. 

Her eyes avoided his as the embarrassment settled in her stomach. She quickly got off his lap and slid to her side of the bed. “I understand. I think I am going to go take a bath,” she informed quietly, her voice breaking slightly as she pulled a robe around herself. She hugged herself as she moved toward the bathroom.

“Za, wait! Let’s talk abo-” he started to call after her when he was cut off by the chime of his kimoyo beads. Zarah stilled and turned, waiting for him to address message on his beads and then finish his statement.

_ He was gone. Regroup tonight. - N’Danna. _

“FUCK!” M’Baku barked loudly as he picked up a cup by his side of the bed and threw it, it slammed against the opposite wall and shattered. Zarah almost jumped clean out of her skin at his aggressive outburst, rarely seeing him this angry.

“What is wrong?” she asked urgently, walking back toward him.

M’Baku quickly recovered, exhaling deeply before reeling in his emotions to give her a stock answer. “Nothing my queen, just another breach at the border. I am sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

She eyed him skeptically, “Are you sure?”

“Yes of course. You know how I loathe when those lowlanders try to come and sneak into Jabariland. I will have someone come clean this mess up. Go take your bath,” he urged.

_ He is lying. _

She knew it. It was true that he hated breaches at the border but never had one caused him so much anger. She wasn’t sure what the issue was but she was sure about one thing: He didn’t trust her with whatever it was and that was also complete departure from their past relationship. M’Baku told Zarah everything, sought her counsel on every subject except military strategy because she gave sound advice. But here he was, keeping a secret, big or small, from her and she hated it. But she knew why… he was beginning to realize that she wasn’t the same anymore. She was too weak for him now, too broken. He isn’t wrong, she thought to herself. Today was proof that she couldn’t measure up to her old self. He must see it, the damage left behind. 

What advice would she be able give him when she could barely handle the simple job of chieftess? She couldn’t satisfy him as a wife, could no longer meet the expectations of the job and it was impacting M’Baku’s trust and faith in her.

_ Well, what did you expect? _ She asked herself.  _ You’ve spent the last few days falling apart in front of him and expect him to find you desirable and treat you the same? He can’t trust you to lead like this. If anything, you are just hindering his ability to lead. Think about the problems this ordeal caused him? Weakness is not our way. The Jabari do not follow weakness, find it attractive or seek counsel from it. Your mother was right. He is pulling away. _

She should have known one day of regular activities and behavior couldn’t outshine days of tears, nightmares and trauma. He was losing faith in her and if she couldn’t give him all the things she used to, what would be her purpose in his world? She needed to get back into his good graces, prove to him she was still the chieftess he deserved.

She nodded, recognizing his statement for what it was - a dismissal. “Well, I won’t keep you then. You have work to do.”

With the snap of the door shutting, the warmth and love usually emanating through their marriage like a raging fire started to die out. This interaction the cold gust of wind that threatened to extinguish it entirely. Neither operating out of love and admiration for the other but out of fear. Fear of losing each other, fear of being seen for everything their paranoid thoughts told them they were: failures.

As days without progress in finding Davu grew, so did M’Baku’s frustrations and his lies to hide it. Davu followed him like a dark cloud, blanketing his days in darkness. His fractured ego turned this search into an obsession, a quest for justice to prove that he wasn’t a failure as a husband and chief. Every waking moment was dedicated to finding him, leaving no time to be emotionally or physically present for his fragile wife, who mistook his distance for disdain. 

It took mere days for her to notice the distance he put between them, the ways he was different with her. She didn’t understand. There were no more tears, she worked even harder at her duties, she didn’t complain about her injuries, nor did she even utter Davu’s name. She acted as if the incident never happened; she was herself again and that’s what he wanted right? But none of it seemed to make him happy or meet the expectations she thought he desired. Paranoia grew as she began to wonder about the real reason for the late nights in his office, secret calls and messages, and their lack of physical intimacy; fearing that he had already moved on after growing tired of her brokenness. She continued to push herself, determined to prove she could be the woman he fell in love with again, all while trapping her trauma below the surface to fester. 

What started as a small but understandable emotional rift after a traumatic experience developed into a chasm with no bridge to cross. 

Sometimes when she was alone, she wondered if this was her punishment for failing M’Baku in the first place. She thought it cruel of Hanuman to let her live, only to rip away the source of love and light in her life. Feeling M’Baku’s love turn distant and cold was its own form of torture. It didn’t matter where he was physically, Davu’s reign of terror continued, this time through the one person who vowed never to hurt her.


End file.
